


Metanoia

by candycandy (telltail_heart), messedup4good



Category: X-Men (Movies), X-Men: Days of Future Past (2014) - Fandom, X-Men: First Class (2011) - Fandom
Genre: (in a way), Angry Charles, Angry Erik, Angst, Body Swap, Brother-Sister Relationships, Canon Disabled Character, Canon Divergence, M/M, Mental Instability, Post-Cuba, Sexual Content, Slow Build, Substance Abuse, Vulnerable Erik, erik's powers are comic book compliant
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-12-29
Updated: 2016-11-10
Packaged: 2018-05-10 07:12:31
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 9
Words: 38,184
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5576069
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/telltail_heart/pseuds/candycandy, https://archiveofourown.org/users/messedup4good/pseuds/messedup4good
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>5 years after their seperation in Cuba, Charles and Erik meet again but under grievous circumstances. When Erik saves Charles' life by risking his own he sets in motion a chain of events the least worrying of which is that they have switched bodies.</p><p>Both men start to learn to live in the other's shoes while they try to find the mutant who switched them.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone. 
> 
> This is a body-swap fic but without the humour that goes with it :)
> 
> I can't promise you a regular update schedule but I will do my best not to keep you waiting.
> 
> Please note that English is not my native language and this has not been beta-read. I apologize in advance for the mistakes you will surely find :)
> 
> I hope you enjoy reading this as much I enjoy writing it.

 

Decisions, the life changing kind, Erik made more than his fair share of those; numerous decisions after which he believed his life couldn’t possibly undergo any changes that would catch him by surprise. He had gone through hell since childhood and survived. He knew he was a strong man with a strong will, a man with a powerful mutation and a fearsome presence. He was a man confident in his abilities and his perseverance.

 

After he escaped the camps, it was his decision to follow Shaw around the globe to exact his revenge on the herr doktor. It was also his decision to accept Charles’ help to find Shaw but he didn’t decide to fall in love the way no one ever did. It was, however, his own decision to abandon said love on a deserted beach  unable to walk - paralysed and betrayed.

 

They had always been at opposite ends of the spectrum, Charles and him, if their endless discussions before Cuba were any indication. They failed to see eye to eye even before Erik broke Charles’ spine and heart. Erik had always been against non-mutants. He was certain that their fear of mutants would mean the end of their kind while Charles had always seen good, that Erik believed was non-existent, in them. Charles was against violence and believed peaceful negotiations were the way to secure their future while Erik was all about taking what he believed was rightfully his by any means necessary even if those means led to death.

 

It was years after their separation that Erik admitted to himself that Charles was the most level-headed mutant to ever exist on the face of the earth. After 5 years apart Charles reached out to Erik via Cerebro to warn him of an imminent attack on the Brotherhood’s headquarters. Erik never understood why Charles chose to help him or how he came by the information but he didn’t waste time contemplating or doubting it. They fled the headquarters minutes before it was bombed to the ground. In a gesture of gratitude, Erik sent Charles coordinates to where he would find young mutants whom he had freed from an experimentation facility run by the government. It soon became a habit; Charles saved his life and the lives of those with him and in return Erik found mutants in need of Charles’ kind guidance.

 

Erik never stopped loving Charles. He occasionally allowed himself to dream that Charles must have felt the same for he could not think of any other reason why Charles would save his life time after time if he didn’t. Erik, however, doubted that in reality he only saved him for the sake of a friendship and a love lost but cherished. For a time he expected Charles to want him dead after Cuba but then again that was not how Charles’ brilliant mind worked. At the end of the day it didn’t matter because he loved Charles as much as his scarred heart and mind could love anyone.

 

That was why he was pulling the door of Charles’ school out of its hinges with his helmet in his hand and mentally screaming at Charles, “Your school is under attack. Get out!” a few seconds later all hell broke loose.

 

Mutants with formidable powers invaded the mansion with a clear plan and one simple objective: Kill Xavier. Erik did not engage in the fight unless he had to. He had his own objective and that was to get Charles out alive. With his helmet still in hand he asked Charles where he was and got a mental image, a weak, wavering mental image of Charles’ study before it went black. He refused to consider why Charles’ power seemed so withdrawn and instead he flew up the stairs. He stormed into the study just in time to see Charles on the floor, feebly trying to drag himself and his uncooperating legs away from a mutant with a helmet the alloy of which Erik couldn’t sense.

 

Time seemed to move in slow motion as he subdued the two mutants who tried to attack him. When he turned to face the remaining one he found the mutant smirking at him and let go of the energy blast in his hand. Its aim was clear: Charles. When Erik leaped in front of Charles to defend him from the attack he had no idea it would be yet another life-altering decision; life-ending maybe but not life-altering. He felt the blow of the energy blast hit his back viciously, maybe he even heard Charles scream in pain but he wasn’t sure because everything went black.

 

~~~~~~~~~

 

_“I wonder what will happen when he wakes up.”_

_“Oh my God. He could wreak havoc on everyone without even knowing he’s doing it.”_

_“Maybe we should evacuate the mansion. Just stay at a safe distance.”_

_“How will he control himself? Can he control himself?”_

_“I never realized how dangerous telepathy was until this moment.”_

_“I hope he wakes up soon. He’s been out for 8 hours.”_

 

Erik was slowly coming to but his head was pounding and all he wanted was for everyone to shut the hell up. He tried to move his head but it was as heavy as if it were held down by lead. He groaned and tried to open his eyes. He sighed when he managed to open them slightly and considered it a small victory when his head didn’t explode. He swallowed and tried to find his voice to speak but all he managed was a whisper, “Shut up! All of you just shut up!” he felt a hand squeeze his own, “Relax, Erik. There’s nobody here but me. You’re safe. Can you open your eyes just a bit further for me?”

 

Erik frowned at the voice. As heavy as his body was he still managed to pull his hand away and forced his eyes to open fully. He turned his head towards the voice and gasped. He shot up despite the blinding pain enveloping his skull and tried to get off the bed but his legs refused to move. He pushed the covers away and started to hyperventilate. Those weren’t his legs. His hands weren’t his. He brought his hands to his head and found his hair was much longer. His eyes darted to his legs, his hands then towards the man sitting by the bed, the man wearing his face and his helmet.

 

Panic hit him hard and fast and before he could form a coherent thought of his own, his brain exploded with thoughts and feelings and conversations that came from far away yet were too close and too loud. He held his head in his hands and screamed.

 

“ERIK!” He heard before his screams seemed to multiply and echo throughout the mansion. He felt a body pin his own down and a needle puncturing his skin. He tried to melt it but nothing happened. He wasn’t a metallokinetic anymore; he was a telepath with no idea of how to control his powers. A tear slid down his face as pain, anger, frustration and incomprehension drowned him before he slid into darkness once again

 


	2. Chapter 2

 

**8 Hours Earlier**

 

Raven’s much missed face was the first thing Charles saw when he came to. He was still on the floor in his study. His head ached and his body felt foreign and heavy. His breath caught in his chest and his heart ached to see his sister looking down at him. 

 

She hadn’t aged a day. Her face as youthful, as beautiful and as blue as ever but her eyes were all wrong. Gone were the mirth and mischief he always saw in them as well as the warmth and kindness she always regarded him with; until Erik came along of course. It didn’t really matter though. She was here and within reach that it almost made up for the years he lost without her by his side. He felt a smile form on his lips but it never fully took shape as she asked, “Magneto? Can you hear me?”

 

At that moment, and despite his disorientation and pain, he realized something was extremely wrong. As the world started to slowly come into focus he found he couldn’t feel his telepathy. He tried hard to reach out but nothing came of it. Try as he may he couldn’t feel it and started to panic. He sat up abruptly, almost head-butting Raven in the process and took in the hostile looks of the people around him.

 

Hank wouldn’t look him in the eyes and Logan growled looking him up and down. Confused, Charles looked down at himself to see what could possibly warrant such animosity and let out a shuddering breath. He shook his head as if what he saw would change upon doing so but it wouldn’t and only added to the dizziness that clouded his head.

 

The shaky hands he raised to his face weren’t his and neither was the body he occupied. He started panting as it dawned on him that he was somehow in Erik’s body. He was occupying his ex-lover’s body. He stared at his hands and saw Erik’s fingers flexing at his own command. 

 

His breath hitched and his vision started to grey around the edges, “No. No, this isn’t happening. How did this happen?” he was breathing so fast he got to the point of hyperventilation, “This isn’t happening. What happened? What the hell happened?” he hurriedly pushed himself to his hands and knees trying to take calming breaths but it wouldn’t work. The panic still fought to take him over. He looked up and saw a toppled lamp shake and levitate a few inches off the ground right before he felt the floor shake violently beneath him.

 

He was pulled back to the moment when Raven’s palm rang against his cheek. She looked feral as she said, “Pull yourself together, Magneto. You’ll bring the whole damn place down on our heads”

 

He touched his stinging cheek and stared into his sister’s beautiful yellow eyes, “Raven!”

 

She recoiled as if stung and her frown deepened, “You know better than to call me that.” She still reached out and clinically started checking his head for injury. She huffed impatiently when she found none, “Your head looks fine so what’s with the hysteria and panic attack?” She got up and offered her hand to help him up. He took it and nearly cried at the simple touch. He got to his feet despite and tried to maintain his balance as she said, “Everything is under control for now but a lot of the attackers got away including the one I saw blast you and Charles”

 

Charles slowly blinked and nearly fell as he was hit by a wave of vertigo. He grabbed Raven’s forearm for balance as much as to convey the importance of his words, “You have to find that mutant, Raven. You have to find him at whatever cost. Do you understand?” the urgency in his voice made her ignore his slip with her name yet again.

 

“All right, we’ll get to it eventually. We just need to clear up this mess first. May be Charles can find him through Cerebro. He can’t wear that helmet forever, can he?” she reasoned.

 

“No, Raven. He can’t” he stared straight into her eyes, “I’m Charles and I don’t have my telepathy anymore” his voice shook at his admission. The shock of it all unbalancing him.

 

Raven pulled her arm back with such force that Charles nearly fell to his knees, “What are you talking about?” She asked staring at him warily as everyone’s attention zeroed in on him waiting for an answer.

 

Charles pressed his fingers to his eyes furiously and said impatiently, “I am Charles, Raven. I think.. I think Erik and I switched consciousness. That mutant must have done this to us” he ignored the gasps and murmurs he heard in the background, “Do you understand now why finding that mutant is top priority?” When he grabbed her arm again that time she let him, “Where’s my body? I need to see it. I need to talk to Erik.”

 

Raven stared at him blankly and whispered, “Charles?” Charles groaned in frustration and reached up to pull at hair only to find it too short. He groaned in exasperation, of course, this wasn’t his head after all it was Erik’s.

~~~~~~~~~

Charles stood in Raven’s old room staring at the reflection her full length mirror gave him. He was standing. Granted, the legs that supported him weren’t his yet he was standing. It was exhilarating but the circumstances that allowed him the luxury many took for granted dampened it.

 

It had been years since he could feel his entire body and control it and be on the same level with his surroundings. It had also been years since he last saw Erik and as he stared at Erik’s face reflected at him he felt his heart try to beat its way out of his chest.

 

He reached up to touch the face that he now carried. It had been way too long since he last saw Erik, touched him or heard his voice that Charles found himself lost. He went from extreme deprivation to living in his lover’s body so fast his foundations quaked.

 

His thoughts and feelings warred viciously within him that he was somewhat glad he didn’t have his telepathy. He didn’t think he could stop himself from projecting his turmoil and his pain onto everyone in the mansion and probably beyond.

 

His consciousness had been swapped with Erik’s. His own mind was in his ex-lover’s body and his ex-lover’s in his own. It was just a shift of consciousness nothing more, since each mutant’s power was written in their DNA, their molecular structure, you couldn’t possibly switch that or could you? Charles laughed without humour at the thought, the sound of his laughter foreign yet so familiar. He never imagined it was possible for a mutant to switch someone’s consciousness to begin with and he had seen, heard and felt a lot more mutants than anyone could ever possibly comprehend.

 

It was too quiet in his head. He wasn’t used to the complete silence and it left him disoriented maybe even lonely. He caught himself trying to reach out with his telepathy several times and finding nothing to hang on to which just added fuel to his frustration and fear. He couldn’t help thinking about the possibility that this might be irreversible.

 

He took a bracing breath as he sensed the metal around him. It seemed to sing to him in yearning, purring, pleading to be handled, shaped and manipulated as if under the hands of a lover. The metal, however, suddenly seemed to grow angry at him and started screaming, demanding to be acknowledged. He closed his eyes in an attempt to focus, to dull his sense of it all, but he failed miserably. He had no idea how to control it. The irony of the whole situation wasn’t lost to him. Here he was running a school that taught young mutants to utilize and control their powers when he himself couldn’t control his; even borrowed as it was.

 

He opened his eyes and wondered how metal could feel frustrated, angry, confused, hurt and in need of reassurance. Metal had no feelings as far as he knew and at that he realized the metal wasn’t feeling anything, it was simply mirroring him.

 

Charles gasped as he realized that this must be how it felt for Erik when his emotions were heightened. That was why metal shook when Erik was angry and why it melted when they were having sex. Erik’s power responded not only to his commands but also to his emotions and this is how it felt like. Erik, however, was quite skilled at burying his emotions so deep within himself that he hardly acknowledged them. The same emotions that Erik only allowed Charles to see for a few short glorious months. Charles was quite different in that regard.

 

He stared at Erik’s reflection and moved closer to the mirror. He held on to the wooden frame as if his life depended on it. He looked into Erik’s eyes and whispered, “What are we going to do my friend?” He closed his eyes to trap the tears that burned behind his eyelids and rested his forehead against the mirror.

 

A knock on the door made him open his eyes and stand straight only to realize that everything with metal in the room was suspended above the ground.

 

The door opened and Raven walked in without waiting to be asked. As soon as Charles’ eyes met hers everything fell back to the ground with a thud.

 

“I hope that was intentional or we would be having an even bigger problem on our hands” Raven said sarcastically as she closed the door behind her and moved further into the room.

 

“It wasn’t I’m afraid. I’m still working on it” Charles said with a small and forced smile.

 

Raven cocked her head to the side, “I suppose the role reversal from teacher to student is not as entertaining to you as it is for the rest of us.”

 

Charles’ fake smile slipped, “Entertaining? How could you find any of this entertaining?” Raven said nothing and just looked at him long and hard. Charles stood his ground, unwavering under her searching eyes.

 

“I’m sorry, Charles” she said after a few moments of charged silence. Her face was smooth and her eyes sincere, “It’s really good to see you. I wish I was meeting you again under better circumstances but - ” she finished with a shrug.

 

Charles could feel his eyes sting again, “It’s good to see you too… Mystique” her eyes flashed for a second with an almost imperceptible emotion but it was gone too soon.

 

She moved closer to Charles and spoke but her voice was thick with trapped tears, “Raven. You can call me Raven.”

 

Charles felt choked, “I don’t want to upset you, dear. It’s all right if you’d rather I didn’t. I understand.”

 

Raven shook her head, “No, you don’t understand,” a tear slid down her right cheek but her voice was strong and steady as she continued, “I will always be your Raven, Charles. No matter our differences you will never not be my brother. You will never not be the first person I ever allowed myself to trust and love.”

 

Tears raced down Charles’ cheeks but he managed to keep his voice even albeit slightly thick, “I would really like to hug you now if that’s all right.”

 

Raven wiped her tears away, “I wouldn’t normally mind but you’re in Erik’s body and that would be just weird.” She said with a watery yet genuine smile.

 

Charles smiled in turn, wiping his own face, “Tell me about it” he said and added an eye roll for dramatic effect. She giggled and he felt validated. He made his sister laugh.

 


	3. Chapter 3

 

Charles and Raven were walking the hallways of the mansion in companionable silence until Raven broke it, “Your eyes are different.” she looked sideways and watched an amused smile curve Charles’ lips. It felt odd to see Charles’ facial expressions on Erik’s face.

 

“That might be due to the fact that they’re not actually mine, dear” Charles joked as he jabbed her lightly with his elbow. She retaliated with a slap to his arm.

 

She shook her head, “That’s not what I mean. I mean that when I look at you, at first glance, I see Erik but when I look into your eyes I see you, Charles” she hooked her arm with his, “I believe I could recognize you anywhere no matter whose body you’re occupying” she continued somewhat embarrassed, “I suppose I recognize-” she moved her hand vaguely, “the living force that is you” a blush covered her blue face as she avoided looking at Charles.

 

“Are you implying that Erik and I swapped souls?” Charles teased.

 

Raven snorted, “I don’t know about swapping souls but you two definitely swapped bodily fluids” at that Charles swallowed down the wrong pipe and ended up coughing and sputtering. Raven laughed, “What? Did you honestly believe I didn’t know?” She shook her head, “Not only are you my brother and I know you better than I know anyone else but also my mutation allows me to read body language very extensively. I have to say I’m slightly offended you thought I wouldn’t notice”

 

Charles rubbed a hand over his face after he recovered, “Oh my God, Raven. That’s not exactly something you talk to your baby sister about.”

 

Raven raised an eyebrow, “Baby sister?”

 

“Younger sister.” Charles corrected quickly.

 

“As your younger sister I accept that. The mutant in me is still offended though” she said with a small smile that Charles returned.

 

“Fair enough. So how do I make it up to Mystique?” Charles asked jokingly but Raven’s answer, however, was serious.

 

“Promise her you will do your damnedest to fix this mess.”

 

Charles stopped walking and pulled at her arm so she would face him, “I promise you Mystique that I will do everything in my power to fix this” Charles said, his face solemn and voice serious. Raven thought that that expression and that tone were not so foreign coming from Erik. She sighed, obviously Charles and Erik were not so different but that was a thought for another time.

 

“I’ll hold you to that promise,” she took in a deep breath and continued, “and just so you know, I hated Erik for leaving you but I understood why Magneto did it. I hated myself for leaving you but I hope you understand why Mystique did it.”

 

Charles felt tears begin to sting his eyelids. He was fine with trying to get his relationship with his sister back on track but he wasn’t ready to talk about Erik and himself. He believed he never would be. What he and Erik had was theirs and theirs alone. Getting anyone else involved just felt wrong, felt like a betrayal. “Thank you but please, Raven, let’s not talk about that.”

 

She nodded in understanding, “One last thing though. I’m sorry I didn’t let you see him or is it yourself?, I’m still confused by the whole thing, as soon as you asked. I didn’t know what to think but I was sure that keeping you apart was the right thing to do.”

 

“You did the right thing” he linked their arms together and started to walk again, “with my control over Erik’s powers as tenuous as it is, you made the right decision.”

 

“Would you like to see him now?” She said after a few minutes of silence, “I would recommend you wearing his helmet before you see him though.”

 

Charles nodded in agreement, “Erik will wake up a telepath with no control over his powers.”

 

It was Raven who stopped him mid-stride this time, “Not just that, Charles. He will wake up with fully manifested telepathy. Let’s not kid ourselves, you’re probably the strongest telepath in the world. All that power given to an untrained mutant could-”

 

“Drive him to madness,” Charles interrupted, “I understand the implications, Raven. If anyone understands how maddening telepathy is, it’s me. I’m the only one capable of helping Erik and I intend to do exactly that. I know how important it is to you and the Brotherhood for this to end. Besides, as happy as I am to feel able-bodied again, I want - I want myself back, Raven. As broken as my body is I want it back because living in Erik’s body is just -” Charles took a deep breath when his voice shook. Before he could say anything more his arms were filled with his sister. She squeezed him tight almost to the point of pain.

 

“I love you and I’m so sorry.”

 

Charles hugged her back, “I love you too, darling” he kissed the top of her head and found it in himself to be amused at the considerable height difference between them, “Now let’s go get that helmet and save Erik from himself or is that from me?” Raven snickered as he continued, “You’re right. This whole thing is confusing.”

 

~~~~~~~~~~

 

They stood before the door to Charles’ room for a few moments, “Are you ready?” Raven asked but Charles could only nod, clutching the helmet tightly in his hands.

 

Raven opened the door and stepped inside waiting for Charles to follow. He took a deep breath and walked in leaving Raven to close the door. She watched him walk slowly towards the bed then stop several feet away. He suddenly felt his breath catch in his throat as he looked at his body, in his bed, seemingly calm in sleep. 

 

It felt surreal. His body was right before him but he wasn’t the living force breathing within it. He took himself in and found he didn’t look in any way different. _‘So this is what I look like sleeping?’_ he thought to himself. His hair was a mess, he was lying on his back, face calm and hands folded neatly on his chest.

 

“Erik will wake up in pain. He has been sleeping in this position too long” Charles said looking at Raven but when he was met with nothing but a lost look in her eyes he felt cold hands squeeze his lungs. “We need to turn him on his side.” He said with his gaze glued to hers.

 

At that moment realization hit him hard. Raven would have known that if she hadn’t left. If she had stayed with her injured brother she would have known that in order to avoid spasms and pressure sores he should turn at least every three hours, she would know that he hadn’t had a decent night’s sleep in years. Had she stayed by his side, she would have known how hard it was to learn to live with a disability like his, how hard it was to learn to live again, like a child learning to take care of himself for the first time.

 

He could feel the anger and the resentment he buried deep within himself start to stir. They had been his loyal companions for the first two years after his injury and they slowly ate up at his insides till he was left hollow, a shell that held nothing of who he was inside of it. Had it not been for Logan, he would have probably died. But Logan did show up and with his dogged persistence he helped Charles rebuild himself  again. 

 

Charles didn’t want to go back to those dark days but he could see it would be a very hard battle to fight. Now that his sister’s blatant ignorance was thrown in his face he could feel the darkness within start to unfold and stretch after years of sleep. He shook his head and turned to the bed. He walked briskly over and pushed back the covers.

 

Raven rushed over to help, “What do I do?”

 

Charles’ head whipped to the side, “Nothing” he spat out, “Do nothing.” Raven took a step back raising her hands in surrender. Charles then bent forward and started to carefully and slowly rearrange his body then pull the covers up again. He straightened and stared at Erik for a few seconds. Suddenly, he turned and, with sure steps, walked towards his dresser. He pulled the top drawer open and pulled out a kit. He emptied it revealing a vial and a syringe.

 

Raven approached him warily, “Charles? What is this?” She watched as he filled the syringe with the amber fluid, “What is this, Charles?” She demanded.

 

He turned to face her but his eyes were distant, “This, my dear sister, is a serum that blocks telepathy.”

 

“And why do you have it?” She asked carefully. She recognized the rage that flashed through her brother’s eyes, as foreign an emotion as it was to see in Charles’ eyes, it wasn’t so foreign to see it in Erik’s. The look on Charles’ face and the venom in his voice fit Erik’s face perfectly. She became aware that she hit a nerve and now it was singing, screaming even, within Charles.

 

She watched as his eyes focused on hers, “Why do you think?” Before she could respond he continued, “I think you should leave.“ 

 

He turned and pulled an armchair close to the bed. He sat down rigidly with his back straight, slowly placed the helmet on his head and placed his arms on the armrests. Raven stared at him then nodded despite him not looking at her and slowly backed out of the room.

 

With Raven gone, Charles could finally breathe but he couldn’t relax. _‘How foolish of me?’_ He thought to himself. He wondered what on earth had possessed him to think that his relationship with his sister could just go back to where it was before Cuba. The betrayal, the hurt, the anger, the isolation, the pain, frustration, sadness, despair and depression could never be wiped clean with a smile or a hug or a simple 'I love you’. The devestation could not be undone with a simple 'I’m sorry’ or 'I hope you can understand’.

 

His love for his sister didn’t fade but their relationship was in ruins and it would take time and effort from both sides for the love to be worthy and the trust to be earned.

 

Charles felt his control over Erik’s power slip so he took a steadying breath and closed his eyes. Meditation helped him through the darkest of times, it should help him again now.

 

When he opened his eyes again he wasn’t sure how much time had passed but he turned Erik on his other side anyway. As he sat down again he found he was much calmer and in control. He relaxed in his seat and waited. The hours merged together but he still dutifully turned Erik over every now and then.

 

He was in his armchair with his eyes closed when he felt Erik start to wake. He held the syringe tightly in his hand as he heard Erik whisper, "Shut up! All of you just shut up!”

 

 _'And so it begins’_ Charles thought as he held Erik’s hand, “Relax, Erik. There’s nobody here but me. You’re safe. Can you open your eyes just a bit further for me?”

 

He watched intently as Erik frowned but complied only to pull his hand away and force his eyes to open fully. He turned his head towards Charles and gasped. He shot up and tried to get off the bed but, naturally, his legs refused to move. He pushed the covers away and started to hyperventilate. Charles was watching in stunned silence as Erik’s eyes darted between the legs and the hands of the body he now occupied then towards Charles who had his face and wore his helmet.

 

He was shocked into action when Erik held his head in his hands and screamed.

 

Charles could hear the screams echo throughout the mansion and realized that Erik hit everyone with a psionic blast. “ERIK!” he screamed as he forced Erik on his back and, with the precision of long practice, plunged the syringe under his skin and emptied its contents in his veins.

 

He watched breathlessly as Erik slumped back on the bed then he threw the syringe on the bedside table. He reached up to rub his face only to find the helmet in the way. He groaned in frustration then ran out of the room and down the stairs to find everyone holding their heads in their hands and groaning.

 

Raven was the first to speak, “I guess this means Erik is awake” she said as she rubbed her eyes and temple.

 

“Yes and no” Charles answered her then turned to face everyone else, “He woke up but I dosed him with a serum that will block his telepathy. He’s unconscious again but shall awake in a few minutes” he turned to Raven once more, “Logan will show you where we keep the pain killers.” Charles looked at Logan, “Could you help Raven, please?”

 

Logan stared at him long and hard but eventually nodded. “This way” he said and turned to leave without waiting to see if Raven were following him.

 

Charles sighed then turned and ran back up the stairs. He re-entered his room just in time to see Erik open his eyes again.

 


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Charles and Erik finally meet and Erik gets a taste of how much Charles' life has changed after his injury.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried to stay as true as possible to the difficulties a person with an incomplete spinal injury faces on a daily basis.
> 
> If you don't like unpleasant surprises, please don't read the final paragraph and check the end of chapter notes for *spoilers*
> 
> Thank you so very much for the kudos and comments everyone :) I truly, madly, deeply appreciate them *huge hugs*

 

 

Charles slowly approached the bed on heavy feet. It felt exactly the same as when the serum had begun to wear off years before. He shut that thought down before it took form in his head, that was not the time for a trip down memory lane.

 

He stood by the bed and couldn't help thinking that meeting Erik for the first time in years while Erik was in Charles' own body made this madness somewhat easier. It meant he wouldn't see the face he loved contort in horror at being stuck in half a body, he wouldn't hear the voice that whispered sweetly in his ears fill with venom and he wouldn't see blame fill Erik's beautiful blue-green eyes.

 

He mused, however, if it would really be easier to hear the blame in his own voice or see the fear of being stuck in this body on his own face. He had already faced those demons and won. He wasn't ready to face them again; not in this body and not under these circumstances.

 

If Charles were being honest with himself he would admit he was afraid; afraid of the rejection, afraid of the hate and the inevitable resentment of the whole situation they find themselves in albeit it being not by either of their choices.

 

He could feel his own dark and long-buried emotions come back to life, Zombie-like and ugly with decaying skin, hell bent on destroying him, on eating him alive. He could feel his control over his feelings slip and he hated how it took him years to bury them and mere hours for them to rear their ugly heads once again.

 

As Erik began to slowly sit up, Charles steeled himself. He was Charles Xavier damn it. He was a teacher and a parent to dozens of mutants who were shunned by their own parents and by their society. He was the leader of mutants with extraordinary powers who helped him run his school and assissted him with his lab research. He was no longer vulnerable or weak. He refused to crumble under the weight of the added responsibility placed on his shoulders. He would bear those responsibilities and work through them.

 

His own voice cut through his thoughts, "What happened?" Erik asked without looking at Charles, who found it almost funny to hear Erik's slightly accented English in his own voice. It must sound strange for everyone else to hear Charles' British one coming from Erik, "I suppose the headache is almost gone by now?" He asked ignoring Erik's question.

 

"Yes, it's gone. Now what happened?" Erik still wouldn't look at Charles who ignored his question yet again.

 

"Can you hear anything that is not perceived through your ears?" Charles asked, adamant on making Erik look at him and what better way to get his attention than to provoke him?

 

Just as he guessed and as if on queue Erik turned his head to face him, "No, I don't hear anything. Stop stalling, Charles. What happened? How come I can't hear anyone anymore?" Erik hid behind impatience but his fear was clear to Charles' watchful eyes.

 

Charles sat down in the armchair by the bed and watched Erik frown as he carefully took off the helmet, "We swapped consciousness obviously. We're practically living in each other's bodies."

 

"That much is obvious, Charles" came Erik's snide reply, "What about the mutant who did this?" the blank stare Erik was giving him was no stranger to Charles. It would throw Raven off but not him. He had lived with it and seen it reflected at him in the mirror, when he bothered to even look at one, for two years.

 

Charles sighed, "He got away. Raven sent your people in pursuit but he vanished."

 

Erik's eyes widened, "What do you mean? We're stuck like this? Are you saying this is irreversible?"

 

Charles watched with twisted satifaction as fear took over Erik's features but he quickly pushed it back and replied, "Our only hope is Cerebro but since you're quite obviously in no shape to use that, I think our chances of finding him are rather-" he paused in search of an appropriate word and settled on "slim."

 

"You mean non-existent" Erik's tone was laced with anger as the fear was wiped off his face. Erik never was one to succumb to fear, not for long anyway. He always replaced it with anger; the emotion he understood the most.

 

"No, what I mean is that we will have to do this the old-fashioned way. We will start an investigation and run a search."

 

"That could take forever." Erik said in exasperation.

 

"Tired of me already, my friend?" Charles said as he eyed Erik who was unconciously massaging his thigh. Erik noticed where Charles' attention was and stopped. "I'm afraid you can massage those legs until your fingers fall off, Erik, but they shall remain dead." He smiled but the expression didn't reach his eyes, "Which brings us to the subject of how you must learn to cope with my body for the time being. I'd apologize for the state it is in but then again, it was by no fault of mine that it is broken."

 

Erik stared at his hands, Charles' hands, his expression tight, "Are you waiting for an apology, Charles?"

 

"No, Erik. Apologies mean nothing, they simply won't bring back my ability to walk." He leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees, "I do, however, expect you to treat my body with the care it needs. I can help you with the basics for now. In order for you to-" Erik didn't give him the chance to continue though.

 

"I don't need your help. I am sure I can manage on my own."

 

Charles smiled as the same words he told Hank after returning from the hospital were thrown back at him. He wasn't too worried though because if Erik were to follow the same path he himself went down, he would soon break. He would very soon ask for help. Charles got up and straightened his clothes, "Very well then. I shall leave you to it. I gave you a serum that blocks telepathy. Its effects will wear off by noon today. I will give you another dose by then" he smiled down at the helmet in his hand, "unless you'd like to give telepathy a try but maybe without giving everyone a migraine in the process this time?"

 

When Erik just stared ahead saying nothing, Charles turned to leave. He was halfway to the door before he half-turned towards Erik who looked up. Their gazes held for a few seconds before Charles broke the contact and looked at the far corner of the room. Erik followed his line of sight to see it resting on Charles' wheelchair. It was so far he would actually need to crawl to get to it.

 

As if reading his mind, Charles smiled, "Let me just bring that over so you wouldn't need to crawl." Erik's eyes blazed with anger as he watched Charles gesture towards the wheelchair. Despite its approach being slightly wobbly, the wheelchair still made it to the side of the bed.

 

Without another word Charles turned and left the room closing the door behind him.

 

Erik stared after him for a few minutes. He wanted to make sure Charles wasn't coming back. When he was satisfied he had waited long enough, he threw back the covers and took in his legs. They were so frail, so unlike how he remembers them. Gone were the round, stocky thighs and the strong calves. What was left of them were legs that seriously lacked tone and far thinner than Charles' upper body.

 

His emotions were in upheaval, "I did this," he whispered, "I did this and now I'm literally living with what I've done." A hysterical laugh rang through the room making his head snap up but then he realized that it actually came from him.

 

He rubbed his face and eyed the wheelchair then reached out to touch the armrest. He sighed and wondered about the best way to maneuver himself into it. He pulled his legs off the side of the bed and attempted to haul himself up and in the chair but he failed the three times he tried. He kept getting the angle wrong. He was finally close to succeeding when he twisted his grip the wrong way and fell hitting his head on the back of the chair. He yelped in pain and gritted his teeth in frustration. However, draped over the wheelchair as he was, he eventually managed it without further hurting himself.

 

He started to wheel himself forward only to notice that he nearly ran over his feet. He had forgotten to lift them onto the foot rests. He sighed as he did then started to wheel himself around the bed only to get the angle wrong yet again and hit the side of his knee. He started to curse but the words got stuck in his throat. He didn't feel that, he saw it happen and expected the pain but it didn't come. He rubbed at his knee then realized he might not even be massaging the bruise. He lifted his pant leg to find that he was indeed massaging the wrong spot. He rubbed the forming bruise with a shaking hand. _'How many times did Charles bruise himself the same way? How many times did he curse me for doing this to him?'_ he thought bleakly. He pulled the pant leg down and started to wheel himself more carefully towards the window.

 

The space by the window was left clear of furniture. It was obvious Charles had it arranged that way so he could do exactly what Erik was doing; stare out at the world. He wondered how many hours Charles spent looking at the world move on while he watched from a distance, how long did it take him to succeed at being part of the world again? Did someone help?

 

A brisk knock at the door made him turn in his chair, "Come in."

 

The door opened revealing Azazel with a tray of food, "Xavier asked me to bring this up to you" he said nodding towards the tray. He moved into the room and pushed the door closed with his foot. He set the tray on the nearby desk, "It's kosher. Xavier made sure of it. There's a kid here, I guess Kitty is her name. She's Jewish and Xavier buys her kosher food."

 

Erik felt ready to break down. Charles was running a school that had a Jewish girl for whom Charles made sure there was kosher food. Charles, despite everything that happened between them and despite the mess they were in, remembered that he eats kosher and made sure he provided him with it. Charles, the man he literally hurt beyond repair, was still showing him courtesies he himself never would have shown someone who paralyzed him. His eyes stung and his throat closed off. It was too much and Erik was sure he didn't even scratch the surface. Charles' life was obviously not an easy one because of him yet Charles remained as kind and as considerate as Erik remembered him to be.

 

If Azazel noticed Erik's distress he didn't acknowledge it. "Come eat, comrade. You need your strength and I need a chance to talk without you interrupting me."

 

Erik couldn't think, his brain was stalling, so he just did as he was told. He was having difficulty wheeling himself around so Azazel started to walk over to help but stopped mid-stride at the glare Erik gave him. Azazel simply walked back to the desk and stood patiently, hands behind his back, watching Erik struggle.

 

When he finally made it and started to eat, Azazel started to speak, "The Brotherhood musn't know of what happened. So far only four of us know and that's more than enough." When Erik didn't comment he continued, "We're holding back on two missions. We've explained the delay due to the attack here but that won't hold for long. We will need to carry out at least one without you but we need Xavier to meet with the New York branch in your stead."

 

That caught Erik's attention, "You want Charles to pretend to be me?" he scoffed, "Do you really expect Charles to help us? To succeed at convincing people who have known me for years that he was in fact me?"

 

Azazel remained unaffected by the derisive tone, "No, I don't, but I expect you to make it happen anyway. You never missed a mission and missing one is more than enough for people to feel restless. We need damage control, Magneto"

 

Erik was quiet for a few moments then nodded, "You're right. It won't be easy and it'll need work but I will make it happen," he wasn't as confident of his success as he let on but he couldn't afford to let his doubts show. The reason why he left the love of his life behind was the Brotherhood. He couldn't fail, he couldn't let it all go to waste not just for the sake of the cause but also because then the pain he caused and felt upon leaving Charles would have been for nothing. He couldn't allow that to happen.

 

"Good." Azazel said oblivious to Erik's turmoil or simply ignoring it. "Finish your food and rest. You will need it to face what's coming."

 

Erik nodded absently, "Is there anything else?"

 

Azazel understood the not-so-subtle dismissal, "Not for now. You know how to call for me if you need me."

 

Erik nodded again and watched Azazel teleport out of the room. He finished his meal lost in thought then wheeled himself back to the window and stared out.

 

After a few minutes he went into the adjoining bathroom. He felt grimy and longed for a shower but in order to get one he would need Charles' help to understand what all the handle bars were for, how to clean himself properly, how to get dressed. He wasn't ready to face that. He wasn't ready to face the blame or the humiliation so he decided to simply wash his face and try his hand at changing his clothes.

 

He went back to the room and opened Charles' closet. It was meticulously organized, which caught him by surprise, and on the same level with the wheelchair. He mourned the absence of his own clothes for a second before he picked a pair of slacks, a shirt and a cardigan. He shook his head with a small smile on his lips, "Some things just don't change, professor Xavier."

 

He moved the pile from his lap to the bed then went back to the bathroom. He allowed himself to stare at his reflection for the first time. Charles' blue eyes were just as piercing as he remembered them although he noticed something was not quite right about them. "I'm probably what's wrong with them. I'm not you, Charles. You're not in here to give these eyes the vibrant, optimistic light that was always there," he whispered to his reflection as he took in Charles' too large nose and perpetually red lips and wondered how much Charles had changed, how much of _his_ Charles was still there.

 

As he sat lost in thought he didn't see it but the smell caught his attention. He frowned then looked down onto his lap in horror. He was frozen with his eyes wide in disbelief and his mouth hanging open in shock, "No. No, please, no," he kept repeating like a broken record, helplessly watching as he continued to soil himself.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Erik has a bowel movement accident at the very end of this chapter.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The lovely lprock made [this](http://45.media.tumblr.com/9a77fdc1e8a052eea606e0f18cfc8b64/tumblr_o0eetd8qU31u9i9x8o1_400.gif) great gif inspired by this fic. Thank you so very much, beautiful :D *hugs*
> 
> Please keep in mind that this is not beta-read and that English is not my native language.
> 
> Sorry for taking forever with this update but I struggled with this chapter :)

 

Charles was sitting at his desk in the study, staring with unseeing eyes at the papers before him. His hands had started to shake as soon as he closed the door to Erik's room behind him and by the time he reached his study his whole body was trembling.

 

Erik was understandably angry. He didn't have the time to process his feelings and the situation the way Charles was able to, but it still stung to find Erik so impatient about switching back. It set Charles' teeth on edge he couldn't stop himself from retaliating by taunting Erik. Did Erik deserve it? Charles wasn't sure but he would have rather talked it through with him than rub it in his face. He was an honest enough man to admit that he was gloating, riding the high of watching Erik squirm. He wasn't proud of himself but there was nothing he could do to take it back. Charles was never a vindictive man but he was not the same man he was before Cuba either and he knew that about himself, embraced it even.

 

When he was sure he was in control he left his study and headed for the labs in the lower levels of the mansion. He walked in to find Hank scribbling notes after checking a sample under the microscope. Upon hearing Charles' approaching footsteps he looked up and practically jumped from his seat, "Erik!" was his first reaction causing Charles to stop in his tracks. "Professor! I mean, Charles. I-I know you're not Erik. I just-I-" Hank stammered looking anywhere but at him.

 

Charles sighed and shook his head, "Relax, Hank. It's fine. Now sit down. We need to talk," he said as he pulled a stool next to Hank's. Hank nodded and sat on the edge of his as if preparing to run at any given moment. Charles almost laughed. Hank had come a long way after Cuba as much as Charles had, so he wasn't sure what could have possibly made Beast want to escape instead of stand his ground.

 

Charles, however, cleared his throat and wasted no time getting to his point, "I need to know how much of the serum we have," he asked bluntly. He was in no mood for subtlety.

 

Hank pushed his eyeglasses up his nose although they really couldn't go any higher, "Well, not much. You haven't needed it for a while and I don't need much myself so-" he finished with a shrug.

 

Charles seemed thoughtful then asked, "How much of your own stock can you spare?"

 

Hank did a quick calculation in his head, "I could only give you 6 vials till I make more but you and I know that won't be enough."

 

Charles shook his head, "No, 6 vials will be enough for now."

 

"Not if you want him to walk," Hank said with his head tilted to the side, "You do want him to walk, right?"

 

Charles met Hank's questioning gaze, "Erik walking is not a priority right now." Hank's eyes widened in surprise.

 

Charles rolled his eyes, "Not for the reasons you think, Hank. You know me better than that. All I'm saying is that we have 6 vials, which we need to use very carefully, to mute his telepathy until he is ready to train. We need Erik to cope with telepathy and learn how to use it."

 

Hank wasn't so sure, "Are you certain giving Magneto access to your telepathic powers is the right thing to do?" it was obvious that he deliberately used that name to put the conversation into perspective.

 

Charles shrugged, "It's our only choice given the circumstances."

 

Hank's eyes widened as he understood what Charles was really saying, "Oh my God. You want him to use Cerebro. Are you aware of how dangerous that could be?"

 

Charles bristled, "No, Hank. I have no idea." He sighed then continued, "You say that like he will be able to do it any time soon. He can't even shield, how on earth will he be able to handle Cerebro with the extreme focus and extreme caution it needs?"

 

Hank was about to argue but Charles raised a hand to stop him, "It's the best option we have right now in order to find the mutant who did _this_ ," Charles said gesturing at himself. "We can't rely on our investigations alone. They will probably lead to nowhere anyway. Besides, for all we know it might take even more time than it will take Erik to master his control over his telepathy. We can't just sit on our hands and hope for the best, Hank. We must have a plan-B and that's Erik."

 

The finality in Charles' tone held no space for argument. Hank could only nod then add, "He will need intensive training."

 

"Isn't that what this school is all about?" Charles asked with a tight smile that Hank didn't return.

 

Instead he said, "You will need intensive training as well. If we're risking giving Magneto the powers of the strongest telepath in the world then I'd rather have you fully capable of using Erik's entire range of electromagnetic manipulation abilities against him."

 

Charles nodded once, "I agree."

 

Hank stared at Charles for a few seconds then asked, "Do you think Erik is offended that people think all he can do is manipulate metal?"

 

The question came out of no where it surprised a laugh out of Charles. He was relieved to see Hank smile genuinely with him. "Most certainly, yes" Charles said shaking his head, "The man could wreak havoc on the earth's core should he try, it might kill him but still, and people think he can merely lift heavy objects. I'd be offended if I were him."

 

The smile slipped slightly from Hank's face, "Well, you are him now and I need you to learn how to wreak havoc on the earth's core."

 

It took Charles a few seconds to reply, "Will you help me?" He asked with a small smile wondering how uncomfortable his friend was to working with him in this body.

 

He needn't have worried though because Hank smiled brightly and said, "Gladly."

 

~~~~~~~~~

 

Charles was walking back to his study with the vials safe in a kit in his hand. He felt some of the weight on his shoulders lift. His conversation with Hank left him relieved. His friend was still by his side and willing to help.

 

"Mr. Magneto, sir." The name caught him off guard. He stopped and turned to see Ariana, the 9 year-old telekinetic Erik saved, run towards him. She came to an abrupt stop infront of him and smiled, "Hello," she said somewhat breathlessly.

 

"Hello," Charles responded cautiously.

 

"I'm sorry to bother you, sir, but I saw you and I just wanted - I just wanted to say thank you for, you know, um, helping me and bringing me here," her chubby cheeks turned bright red in embarrassment but her green eyes were alight with affection.

 

Charles froze for a second. He had wondered whether or not the students have been told of the swap but Ariana calling him Magneto answered that question for him. Her extreme politeness and the whole absurdity of the situation, however, made him smile, "You're most welcome, Ariana. I'm glad you're all right."

 

The girl's eyes widened in surprise as her mouth formed a perfect O, "How do you know my name? You never asked me my name."

 

Charles continued to smile as he mentally hit himself with a saucepan, "I'm friends with the professor and he told me all about you."

 

She eyed him carefully, "Huh! That's funny."

 

"What is?" He asked.

 

"You sound exactly like the professor and you didn't before." She said narrowing her eyes at him, "You even act different."

 

He silently cursed himself but before he could come up with a response she gestured with her small hand and the kit with the serum flew into it. She looked pointedly at Charles and he realized that it was a test so he lifted his right hand and floated the kit over to himself by the metal zipper. That seemed to satisfy the young girl who giggled, "That was nice. We should do that again."

 

Charles nodded once, "We shall but not right now."

 

"All right then." She said and seemed to hesitate but then she just threw her arms around him, hugging him tightly, "Thank you for everything. It was horrible and scary and it hurt but you saved me. Thank you."

 

Charles hugged her back. Lost for words as he was all he could come up with was, "I'm happy you're safe."

 

She pulled back and gave him a bright smile, "I have to go or I'll be late for class and I don't want to upset professor Xavier. He's cute." And just like that she ran off leaving Charles reeling. A child had noticed his accent and mannerisms. Charles thought amusedly that it might have had to do with her thinking him "cute",  but he was still aware that if he wanted to keep the students in the dark, he would have to be more careful. He would have to pay more attention to trying to act and sound like Erik.

 

"Bloody hell," he said as he remembered that he did in fact have a class to teach and had to find a substitute fast. He ran towards the study that served as the teachers' lounge and stormed in. Logan was the only one there. Charles' heart jumped to his throat. He hadn't seen Logan or spoken to him since he first woke up in his study.

 

"Ororo took your class. I'm assuming you don't want the students to know their beloved professor is inhabiting the body of a terrorist," Logan said bluntly without a greeting or acknowledgement. With his hands in his pocket, a frown on his face and his chin tilted upwards in obvious defiance, Charles felt as if Logan had slapped him hard across the face. Logan had always been straightforward and never gave a damn what people thought but for some reason Charles expected more than this, whatever _this_ is, it hurt. Logan was his best friend, his confidante, his saviour if you will. The relief he felt upon leaving the lab abandoned him. His best-friend couldn't see him; he only saw Erik.

 

Charles was hit with such sudden shock, panic, shame, anger and guilt that he nearly fell to the ground. He only managed to stay upright by hanging on to the door frame while his heart beat so fast he became breathless. He looked up to see Logan by his side with a hand around his arm to steady him. He was saying something, his lips were moving but Charles couldn't hear anything beyond the ringing in his ears. He checked the grandfather clock in the corner and found that it read 11:35.

 

He gathered whatever strength he had, held the kit tightly to his chest and rushed to Erik's room. He recognized this for what it was - a projection - and it was aimed at him and him alone since Logan didn't feel it. Erik was going through this whirlwind of emotions but he was solely focused on Charles as if he could think of no one else.

 

He went in without bothering to knock. He closed the door and looked around but found no sign of Erik. He walked to the bathroom on shaky legs. As he took in the scene before him he finally allowed his legs to give way. He fell to the ground just outside the bathroom and stared.

 

Erik was in the bathtub fully dressed and sobbing. The strong, driven, stubborn, self-righteous, passionate Erik was sobbing and sobbing hard as hot water cascaded down his back. Charles' eyes darted between the wheelchair then Erik and felt something in him break. He was in the exact same position Erik was in now when he first returned from the hospital. Memories of consuming anger, frustration and utter humiliation hit him with a vengeance. It was as if he were forced to watch his suffering replayed from memory just to torture him, to break down whatever he built of himself since Cuba. He clutched his aching chest as tears stung his eyes.

 

Erik gasped as he felt his heart constrict and looked up noticing Charles for the first time. With blood-red eyes and a blotchy face he understood that they were in an endless loop of emotional feedback, whatever one of them felt the other felt it too, each of them feeding the other's agony, breathing more life into it. They were in the middle of a hurricane that gained more strength, more force with every passing moment. It threatend to ruin them both, to break them both, to tear them both open and leave them to bleed and it had to be stopped before they lost themselves to it.

 

Charles became aware that he was their only hope at breaking the cycle so he closed his eyes and struggled to start building a shield. He imagined himself in his study with a fire blazing in the fireplace for warmth then he closed the door and reinforced the windows with steel. The tidal waves of Erik's emotions started to dim but were still threatening his shield so he extended the reinforcements to the entire mansion. As an extra precaution he added a forcefield around it that went underground.

 

He opened his eyes again and found Erik with his eyes closed but breathing easier, "It stopped," he inhaled sharply like he had been deprived of air, "It stopped," Erik repeated with his eyes still closed, still crying.

 

Charles slowly got to his feet, "I built myself a shield, nothing goes in or out. Calm your mind, Erik."

 

Erik opened his eyes and looked into Charles', "That's not the first time you say that to me."

 

"And it seems it won't be the last," Charles said holding Erik's gaze, "You need my help, Erik, so will you let me?" That made Erik look away but he still nodded. Charles slowly approached the bathtub and stripped out of his clothes except for his underwear. He then knelt by the bathtub and reached hesitantly towards the shirt Erik was wearing.

 

His hesitation didn't go unnoticed, "It's your body Charles, not mine," Erik said. Charles let out the breath he wasn't aware he was holding and proceeded to pull the shirt off. He started to undo the soiled slacks when Erik interrupted, "Talk me through it. Tell me how to do it for myself." Erik was no longer in tears but his voice was hoarse and his eyes remained averted.

 

Charles' voice was thick when he started to speak as he pulled down the soiled pants and underwear, "I suppose you already know how to get into the bathtub-" he stopped talking when Erik shook his head then he saw the forming bruise on his right hip. He inhaled sharply as he realized that Erik must have just crawled into the tub then fell on his side.

 

"Oh Erik," Charles whispered.

 

"If you're going to say I told you so, don't," Erik tried to mask his pain with anger.

 

Charles didn't take the bait. He saw it for what it was. He frowned, "No, Erik. I would never-" he finished with a shake of his head. Erik met his gaze and nodded. Whether it meant that he believed him or that he was just giving him consent to proceed, Charles wasn't sure but he continued anyway, "You start by moving from the wheelchair to the chair fixed to the side of the bathtub then you move to the seat built into it."

 

Charles' voice was barely audible over the sound of the cascading water as he explained to Erik how to get in and out and how to wash himself properly. He was doing his best not to crack under the pressure of having to wash his own body with Erik's hands, the same hands that hit him with a bullet that turned his life upside down, that deprived him of his sister and the man he loved. He tried not to cry at the thought that now Erik knew how fragile Charles' body was, how hard and how sometimes humiliating his life was.

 

Never in a million years would he have imagined that this would be how they met after so long. He always thought he would be immaculately dressed in a suit with his hair styled to perfection as he sat straight in his wheelchair in his study, surrounded by his books, seemingly collected and strong. It broke his heart that Erik now knew the ugly truth but he also felt a deep and dark satisfaction that Erik had learned first-hand the damage he had caused. Anger and resentment churned within Charles who studied Erik's face making sure he hadn't read any of it off of him. Judging by Erik's calm face he reassured himself his shield remained impenetrable.

 

Erik wasn't sure why he suddenly began to relax, or how he could even find it in himself to relax, but he did. He wondered if it were Charles' calm tone, or his soothing strokes or if he himself were simply in shock, drained and incapable of emotion. He honestly didn't know. All he was certain of was that he did this to Charles and to himself. He shot Charles, accidental as it was but it remained his fault, he paralyzed him, abandoned him and left him to deal with the hardships of it all alone. Yet here he was taking care of Erik so gently as if he would break if he spoke too loud or pressed his skin too hard. Erik though couldn't help doubting that maybe Charles wasn't being gentle with him but with himself. He resolved himself to never really knowing which it was unless he asked directly or if he read his thoughts.

 

For a telepath it was so easy to know where you stood with someone, know how that someone felt by simply reading them but Charles never did. He always asked permission and never forced it when his request was denied. It must have been so hard for Charles to comply, to respect the wishes of those who refused to share themselves with him and it made Erik hate himself for the times he was one of those people. He advocated using one's powers openly and freely and without fear yet he denied that freedom to the only person he had ever loved.

 

Erik's sigh caught Charles' attention and asked carefully, "Everything all right?" Erik found himself laughing at the absurdity of the question.

 

"Does everything seem all right to you?" He asked.

 

Charles' answering smile put Erik at ease, "I suppose not," the amusement in charles' eyes made Erik smile back and his smile in turn made Charles breathe easier, made room for a measure of calm to seep through his anger.

 

He resumed bathing and drying Erik while explaining what he did until he got to the point where Erik needed to wear a robe to stay warm and move back to the wheelchair. They both exchanged a look of understanding. Erik tilted his head towards the chair attached to the bathtub and Charles nodded. He started to help but Erik shook his head, "No, let me try."

 

Charles made space for him yet stayed close by to help if he were needed but Erik remembered Charles' earlier instructions and moved himself successfully without incident. Charles handed over the robe and watched as Erik put it on then prepared to clean the wheelchair. He could have simply carried Erik to the bedroom but he was certain Erik would decline and he didn't want their borrowed calm to be disrupted. He wasn't about to fool himself that this calm would last. Soon enough they'd start talking and old wounds would throb and tempers would fly and blaming fingers would point. He wasn't in the right frame of mind for that. He thought he did but the time was just wrong.

 

Charles cleaned the wheelchair thoroughly as well as any traces of the accident that still remained in the bathroom. He collected a garbage bag from the cabinet beneath the sink and threw everything he used, as well as Erik's soiled clothes, inside and tied it while Erik waited patiently.

 

When he was done, he wheeled the chair over to Erik. Once settled in the now clean wheelchair Erik started towards the bathroom door, "No, wait!" Charles said in alarm as he hurried to the door and picked up the serum, "I dropped this when I first came in," he said brandishing the kit.

 

"What's that?" Erik asked.

 

Charles answered looking at the kit, "That's the serum."

 

"Oh," was all Erik said.

 

"Yes," Charles looked up then, "Uh, would you mind very much if I just showered before I helped you get dressed. I feel quite-"

 

Erik interrupted as he wheeled himself out of the bathroom, "Yes, of course. I'll get started while you shower." Charles closed the bathroom door and rested his forehead against it for a moment, breathing deeply, then moved away and started the water again.

 

Erik sighed and held his face in his hands while listening to the sound of the running water. He was struggling with his feelings but tried his best to keep them in check. He didn't want a repeat of what happened when he first woke up but he was beginning to hear murmurs and pick up on emotions and he was afraid of what would happen should the serum's effect wear off entirely. Charles had told him about shielding and taught him a few tricks but he wasn't sure they'd work when he was the recepient not the other way around.

 

Shame was one of the most prevalent emotions churning within him but guilt was the one eating him up inside. _I ruined his life,_ he thought to himself.

 

Charles must have taken a really quick shower or Erik had lost track of time, whichever it was Charles opened the bathroom door and returned to the room freshly showered and fully dressed.

 

"I must have lost track of time," Erik said to the unspoken question in Charles' eyes.

 

"That's quite all right," Charles said as he moved towards the pile of clothes at the foot of the bed. He picked them up and walked over to Erik, "We'll need the bed for this part, pants and shoes are tricky otherwise. It's better if you lean against the headboard."

 

Erik moved to the bed, positioning himself and, suddenly self-conscious, undid his robe. He picked up the shirt from where Charles left it on the bed and dressed himself. He did the same with the cardigan and waited.

 

When Charles noticed the absence of underwear he rushed to fetch one and returned to the bed sitting on the edge by Erik's hip. He started helping Erik into the rest of his clothes and just like the bath it was careful, slow and with quiet instructions. 

 

"I'm sorry, Charles," Erik whispered.

 

"It's all right. It really is, it happens sometimes. You will need a schedule to take care of that and you have to watch your diet to avoid accidents like this one," Charles said as he fixed the cardigan's lapels refusing to meet Erik's eyes. He was raw. He couldn't tell how he was feeling no matter how hard he tried. He was angry that's for sure but he was also sympathetic to Erik's suffering which in turn just fed his anger. It seemed his mind couldn't accept feeling sorry for the man who wrecked his life no matter what suffering said man went through. Charles hated to think of himself as a man without sympathy and struggled to allow himself to feel it.

 

Erik grabbed his wrist surprising Charles into meeting his eyes, "That's not what I meant. I'm sorry for everything, not just for this," he said with raw and honest emotion.

 

Charles swallowed around the lump that lodged itself in his throat, "Don't, Erik, please," he whispered as he tried to free his wrist but Erik wouldn't let go or maybe Charles wasn't trying hard enough. All he knew was that he couldn't look away. He looked into his own eyes, they were his very own eyes, but somehow they looked different still. He looked into them and saw Erik.

 

Erik's voice was thick with emotion as he shook his head at Charles' objection, "Please hear me out. I know you don't need an apology and you're right it means nothing, it changes nothing, but I still need you to know that I am sorry, that I regret ever hurting you, that it was never my intention."

 

Charles couldn't keep his voice, as well as the hands that now framed Erik's face, from shaking, "Please, Erik, this is not the right time for this and I don't know what you expect from me in exchange for your apology," he stared hard into his eyes and gritted his teeth in frustration, "I don't even know what to expect from myself so don't go there."

 

When Charles tried to pull back, Erik wrapped his hand around Charles' other wrist to keep him from moving his hands away, "I don't expect anything from you. I don't expect you to accept my apology or even forgive me but I just need you to - to know-"

 

Charles suddenly tightened his grip on Erik's face and, quite roughly, pulled him forward, their eyes mere inches apart. Charles' eyes were alight with barely contained anger and his voice was low but filled with venom, "To know what, Erik, that you're sorry? I already know that but what are you apologizing for exactly? Shooting me in the back? Abandoning me on a deserted beach? Taking my sister away from me? You think that's the worst of it? Cuba is just the tip of iceberg, my friend. You don't even know everything you should be apologizing for."

 

"Tell me then," Erik ordered.

 

At Erik's demanding tone Charles just snapped, "To what end, Erik? What good could possibly come out of it?" When Erik said nothing he went on, "What? Do you think knowing of my suffering vindicates you? It doesn't and nothing ever will," Charles sneered, "Did you even stop and think why I have a serum that blocks telepathy? Do you know that given the right dosage it could make you walk again?" Charles watched in twisted satisfaction as Erik's eyes widened in surprise.

 

"Are you telling me the serum could make me walk again?" The hope in Erik's voice disgusted Charles. He released Erik violently as if he were still covered in filth making Erik gasp in shock.

 

Charles walked over to the dresser to retrieve the kit then threw it in Erik's lap, "Take a whole vial and see for yourself, but before you do that you need to understand that walking means you lose my telepathy and with that you lose all hope of getting your body back. You see Erik, my power is your only hope of ever becoming yourself again. If you block it you can't use it and you can't find the mutant responsible for this mess." He paused for effect, "Think about that," he said as he walked out of the room leaving Erik staring at the kit.

 

 


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Charles and Raven have a long due discussion in this chapter that I hope I got it right :)
> 
> I really hope you're still enjoying this :)

Charles marched to his study blinded by anger, his body shaking with it. With a flick of his wrist he opened the double doors before he reached them then with another he closed them again upon entering. He rested his palms on the desk, leaning heavily on them trying to find a measure of calm without success. How typical of Erik to keep pushing when he had been told to stop. He had to bring up Cuba. He had to keep apologizing even after Charles told him he didn’t want it, didn’t need it, more than once, but did he listen? Of course not. He had to scratch at a barely healed wound and wouldn’t stop until it started to bleed again - the stubborn idiot that he was.

 

He gritted his teeth and pushed off the desk feeling the urge to break something. He eyed his desk lamp through narrowed eyes. He stretched a palm out then made a fist and watched with satisfaction as the lamp crumpled in on itself. “I suppose rage is as good as serenity when it comes to controlling metalokenesis,” Charles sneered. A knock on the door made him turn and lean on the edge of his desk, “Come in.”

 

The door opened revealing Raven. “I suppose Erik took the serum again since none of us needs a psyche ward yet,” she joked then her eyes fell on the ruined lamp, “Charles?”

 

“How may I be of service to you my beloved sister?” Charles asked quietly just barely concealing the rage that boiled under his skin. 

 

“I-I just saw you come out of Erik’s room. You looked upset I assumed you guys fought so I came to check on you,” she said equally quiet with a healthy dose of caution, carefully watching her brother. It threw her off to try and read Charles’ body language while he was in Erik’s. She caught herself searching for Erik’s reactions then correct herself and search for her brother’s instead. For the first time in a really long time she felt she couldn’t rely on her powers.

 

“That’s very kind of you, darling. You shouldn’t worry about me though,” Charles said staring into his sister’s unsure eyes.

 

“You’re my brother, Charles. Of course I worry about you,” she said tilting her head to the side trying to read Charles again but she kept finding Erik; the set of his shoulders, the twitching of his jaw, the fire that blazed in his eyes while his face remained placid; she nearly gritted her teeth. 

 

“You worry about me? Really?” Charles smiled but it didn’t reach his eyes, “Forgive me, dear, but I find that rather hard to believe.”

 

“What do you mean?” she asked straightening herself and staring back at Charles in defiance.

 

The fake smile on Charles’ face was gone. His face was so devoid of expression she might have mistaken him for Erik had she not known of the swap. Her brother’s warm regard was gone and the eyes that met hers were deadly cold, “I mean, my darling sister, that I don’t believe you. And why should I? You did abandon me on a deserted beach paralyzed after all.”

 

Raven realized she had two options; either to stand her ground and face whatever Charles threw at her or she could just retreat. She refused to allow herself the latter despite it being the more appealing of the two. She was aware she would have to tread very carefully as if Charles were a land mine where one wrong step could blow her to pieces, “I know and I can’t even begin to tell you how sorry I am but-”

 

Charles threw his arms up, “What’s with all the apologies today? You and Erik have been doing that all day like it means anything, changes anything.” He pushed off the desk and with his hands in his pockets he continued, “The two of you don’t even know _what_ you should be apologizing for. I find that extremely frustrating.”

 

Raven crossed her arms defensively, “Look, Charles, I know what I did was wrong but at the time you and me just couldn’t agree on anything and we wouldn’t stop fighting. We just couldn’t see eye to eye. It was the only choice I had. I couldn’t continue to live with your ideals and ignore mine.”

 

“Ideals?” Charles scoffed at her words, “You abandoned me for your ideals? You chose your ideals over your own brother?” he closed the distance between them with slow and sure steps while his face remained stone cold that Raven was surprised to find herself fighting the urge to take a step back. “Your ideals couldn’t wait till you made sure your _brother_ was alive? They couldn’t wait until you knew the extent of my injury? They couldn’t wait until you made sure I was getting proper medical attention? They couldn’t wait until you made sure I returned home in one piece?” Charles’ voice grew louder and louder with each question he was yelling as he continued, “Your ideals kept you from calling or visiting to see how I was doing? You have no idea what it was like. Where the hell were you when I needed you the most? Playing rebel with Erik? I hope the past five years were fun for you, Raven, because, for me, they sure as hell weren't.”

 

Raven’s eyes widened as she took in the man before her for she believed he wasn’t Charles. Yes, Charles had every right to be angry but he was never a man to succumb to temper, never a man who would deliberately hurt someone let alone his sister, but having the effort she had exerted and the risks she had taken for the Brotherhood’s cause ridiculed and reduced to “playing rebel” and “fun” set her teeth on edge. Charles’ jeer reminded her of how he always patronized her as if she were a child who didn’t know anything about life or mutants or her own mind even. She was reminded of how he always acted like he knew everything, the wise older brother. She just couldn’t take it, she hissed, “I know you’re angry and rightfully so but you have no idea what I have been doing all these years so don’t you dare judge me.” she raised her chin in defiance, “And just so you know, I kept up with everything you went through from the moment you returned home. I know what happened. I know everything.”

 

Rage contorted Charles’ face as his voice rang through the room, “Is that supposed to make me feel better? Erase the betrayal I’ve been living with for years? You spied on me instead of stay by my side and help me through it? How considerate of you. I assure you whatever your spy told you does not even begin to scratch the surface.”

 

“Think whatever you want Charles but my source is irrefutable. I know everything and there wasn’t a single day that I didn’t think about you and how you-”

 

“Shut up!” Charles said, his voice suddenly deathly calm. When Raven wouldn’t stop talking he literally screamed at her, “I said, shut up, Mystique!” Raven froze in surprise at the outburst as well as the name Charles chose to call her. “Your source was Hank, wasn’t it? Your source was the man who helped save my life, who went through hell along side me and never wavered, never gave up. Your source was the man who knew exactly the extent of my injury and my suffering and he told you all about it and yet you chose to stay with Erik in spite of it all.”

 

Suddenly aware of what she let slip, Raven remained silent. Charles, however, didn’t. He was no longer yelling but his voice gave no space for interpretation, he was was enraged, “Let’s not lie to ourselves as to why you’re really here. You want to ensure I don’t jeopardise the Brotherhood. You want to make sure Erik’s body stays as it is until he’s back inside it.” He gave Raven a once over, “Honestly, Mystique, instead of abusing Hank’s feelings for you to get what you want, you should’ve learned a thing or two from the man about family and loyalty since your definition of both seems faulty to me.”

 

He gestured towards the doors which sprung open almost coming off their hinges, “Now get out.”

 

If Charles had slapped her across the face it would have hurt less than seeing all the disgust, resentment and disappointment he regarded her with now. Her anger subsided as quickly as it had appeared. She and Charles had always had their differences but they loved each other regardless. Charles calling her Mystique and kicking her out made her question whether he still loved her. The few hours after the attack told her he still did but the Charles that regarded her with such disdain now made her doubt herself. With her hands balled into fists and tears stinging her eyes, she left the room only to turn around just outside the door and look beseechingly at Charles, as if asking for a chance to explain herself. Charles, however, just gestured towards the doors and slammed them in her face.

 

He stared at the doors not really seeing them. Erik’s betrayal was one thing but his sister’s was impossible to understand. Erik was the man he fell in love with for a few months. Yes, it was the kind of love he would  remember for the rest of his life, the kind of love he would never get over but to have his sister, the little girl who grew up with him and became his only friend, betray and abandon him in his time of need? He shook his head in an attempt to clear it but failed. 

 

Charles left the study and went in search of Hank. He asked around and finally found him in one of the reinforced bunkers below the mansion, “Hank.” he called out to his friend who was at the far side of the room.

 

“Charles, hey,” he said and jogged over, “Are you ready to train?” he asked with an expectant smile.

 

“I don’t know. I’m not really in the right frame of mind.” Charles said meeting Hank’s eyes, “You see, I’m really, really angry, Hank.”

 

“What happened? How can I help?” He asked with genuine concern.

 

Some of Charles’ anger had subsided while he walked around searching for Hank but there was still enough to blow up in Hank’s face and he didn’t want that. He took a bracing breath, “I had a, let’s say heated, conversation with Erik followed by one with Raven and if that weren’t bad enough I found out you’d been keeping things from me, Hank.” Charles said trying to meet Hank’s lowered eyes.

 

“I’m sorry, Charles.” he said shaking his head while his eyes remained averted.

 

Charles took a deep breath and let it out slowly before he said, “I don’t blame you, Hank. I know how you feel about Raven but so does she and she used that to her own advantage but you shouldn’t have let her.”

 

Hank looked up at that and frowned, “My feelings for Raven had nothing to do with why I told her everything, Charles.”

 

Hank didn’t elaborate but Charles caught on what he had left unsaid, “Oh my God, Hank. You thought if she knew how bad things were, she’d come back.” Charles laughed but without an ounce of real humour, “I suppose you and I made the same mistake of overestimating Raven’s love for me.” When Hank started to argue, Charles raised a hand to stop him, “It’s all right, Hank. Truth is we should have realized I was not at the top of her priority list from the moment she left with Erik in a puff of smoke back in Cuba.”

 

“Charles, I’m so sorry. I know I betrayed your trust going behind your back and I’m really sorry about that. If any good had come out of it then I would’ve been able to justify it but I can’t.” Hank said with regret and guilt in his eyes.

 

Hank’s sincerity seemed to cool some of the anger consuming Charles as he reminded himself of how much Hank had done for him over the years.“You meant well, my friend. I appreciate the thought but, please, don’t do it again ever and for whatever reason,” Charles said with a small smile that Hank hesitantly returned as he nodded.

 

“Charles! I was looking for you.” Logan said as he walked over to the two men.

 

“You’ve found me. How can I help you, Logan? Do you have any more insults you’d like to hurl at me?” Charles asked with a frown, “because I’d have to regretfully decline. Now is really not the time.”

 

Logan looked at Hank, who looked confused but said nothing, then at Charles. Logan had the decency to look ashamed and he would have preferred to have had this conversation with Charles alone but since that was not an option, “No, that’s not why I came looking for you.” he cleared his throat then added, “Earlier today I was- I was out of line. You didn’t deserve that.”

 

“No, I didn’t.” Charles said then suddenly felt the fight drain out of him. He couldn’t argue with anyone anymore, especially not his friends, not the people who stood by his side and never gave up on him when his own family did. He was thankful Logan came around and that had to be enough for now. He could talk this through with Logan at another time should he feel the urge to. He said before Logan could add anything, “Let’s just put it behind us, Logan. I don’t want to argue or fight. I’ve had more than my fair share of those today. So, can we start over?”

 

Logan nodded once, “Yeah, I’m fine with that.” Charles nodded back and watched as Logan’s shoulders relaxed. “So, what are you two delinquents doing here?” Logan asked.

 

Charles, somehow, found it in himself to smile, “I was looking for a sympathetic ear.” That stung Logan. Charles rarely went to Hank when he needed to talk, that was Logan’s territory, but he had no one but himself to blame after what he said to him in the study. It was a knee-jerk reaction caused by his deep resentment for Erik Lehnsherr and seeing Charles in his body was too much for Logan he took it out on Charles.

 

Hank interrupted his thoughts though, thankful for the change of subject and relieved his friends weren’t going to fight, “I was making sure this bunker was ready for Charles to start practicing using Erik’s powers.”

 

“Really? That’s great, Hank. Thank you.” Charles said with a small smile as he took in the preparations for the first time.

 

Hank looked embarrassed and pushed his glasses up his nose and shrugged, “No problem. I also rescheduled all the classes so no one would need the room for practice.” he finished with a smile obviously happy with himself. Charles patted his shoulder affectionately. 

 

“So you were saying you were angry earlier. On a scale from 1 to 10 how angry are you now? We could use the anger to get you started.” Hank asked all business-like.

 

Charles looked between his two friends and seemed to hesitate for a few seconds but he finally said, “If you had asked me that 15 minutes ago I would have said 1000 but now with the two of you here I can’t say I’m that angry anymore.”

 

Hank blushed and smiled at Charles while Logan just rolled his eyes, “Yeah, yeah, we’re great and all that but it’s time we get to business,” he said, and not being a man to mince his words, he added, “If it’s anger you want, bub, all you have to do is think about Lehnsherr and you’ll get to that 1000 pretty easily.”

 

Hank groaned while pinching the bridge of his nose, “Seriously, Logan?”

 

Logan shrugged, “What? Am I wrong?” he asked.

 

It was Charles who answered him, “Not entirely.” At Logan’s inquiring gaze he added, “You just forgot Mystique.”

 

At that Hank and Logan remained quiet while Charles’ anger began to boil again.

 

~~~~~~~~~

 

It was well into the night when Charles returned to his study. He was drained, physically and emotionally. Logan and Hank were merciless. It was apparent they wanted results and wanted them fast but as hard as Charles tried he still couldn’t do more than lift chunks of metal, move them to one side or the other or even crush them but he could never bring them back to their original shape. He groaned as he dropped himself in his armchair by the fire and rubbed his eyes. He eyed the liquor cabinet then pushed himself to his feet again. He needed a drink or ten. As he sat back down with his drink in his hand he wondered how long it would take him to master Erik’s powers. Trying to move heavy metal objects drained him, he highly doubted he would be creating electromagnetic pulses any time soon.

 

He took a sip from his drink and sighed as he felt its familiar burn down his throat and wished for the day to end. He finished the rest of his drink and started to feel lightheaded. He rested his head on the back of the chair and closed his eyes. He must have started to drift off because the next thing he knew he was startled by the feeling of the glass slipping out of his hand. Disoriented, tired and out of focus as he was he tried to reach for it with his borrowed powers but what happened next stunned him. It only lasted for a couple of seconds but what he saw was undeniable. He had unintentionally generated a magnetic force field in an attempt to stop the glass from hitting the ground. However, he didn’t succeed because the force field, instead of preventing the fall, blew up the glass turning it to dust.

 

Charles was sitting in stunned silence with his mouth open when he suddenly got up and ran to the kitchen where he made himself a cup of tea. He then returned to the study,set the tea down and ran from shelf to shelf until he found the books he was looking for. He took a sip of his tea, pulled out a writing pad and a pen and started his research.

 

It was almost three in the morning when he finally stopped, his eyes dry and scratchy and his head clouded with exhaustion. He rubbed his eyes and walked to the doors. He switched off the lights with his powers and closed the doors after himself the same way. He took a step towards his room then stopped. He looked at the door handles and smiled as he melted the locks. He turned again and started for his room positive that the next day he will be able to reshape them again.

 

~~~~~~~~~

 

Erik was going crazy with exhaustion. He was dying to get some sleep but the voices in his head wouldn’t stop and he wondered how Charles dealt with it all. He could hear distant murmurs as if someone were speaking next door, the voices muffled by thick walls but sometimes they grew louder and rang clearly in his head.

 

Charles told him how much of the serum would make him walk but he didn’t tell him how much would just block his telepathy. He took a third of the vial but it was obviously not enough and he was afraid taking anymore would be too much. He couldn’t take that risk because Charles had a point. The more Erik thought about it he believed Charles was right. His telepathy and Cerebro were the key to end this suffering. He needed Charles’ help to learn how to use both but after their interaction that day he wondered if Charles would take pleasure in watching him struggle. Charles’ suffering obviously changed him but by how much, he wondered, and how deep was the damage he caused? Earlier it seemed as if Charles was struggling. He wanted to be calm and kind but at the same time there was so much anger just beneath the surface that Charles fought to keep at bay and failed.

 

He sighed and covered his head with a pillow but naturally it did nothing to stop the voices. Someone was hungry and thinking of the leftovers in the kitchen, another was having a headache that Erik could actually feel, while another was worried thinking about an upcoming exam and someone was having a nightmare, and the list went on and on and on Erik felt like screaming at them to shut the hell up. He wondered for the hundredth time how Charles managed to sleep in this cacophony of thoughts and feelings, how he managed to survive the onslaught without going mad. He asked himself if that were the reason Charles took the serum or if he took it to walk again and to hell with the telepathy.

 

Erik grunted as he started to turn himself on his other side. _Even tossing and turning in bed all night is not easy_ , Erik thought to himself. When he finally settled and rearranged his legs with a pillow in between the way Charles told him to, he closed his eyes and tried to build a shield yet again. He had tried several times and failed. This time he chose the ocean, he was in a boat, surrounded by water and no people. He had no crew, just him and an endless body of water. He went below deck and into the bedroom. He lied down and closed his eyes, letting the soothing sound of the waves calm his mind. 

 

The next time Erik opened his eyes it was morning.

 

~~~~~~~~~

 

Despite sleeping late, Charles was up early brimming with energy. He had realized the night before that he had not been able to manipulate metal easily because he didn’t understand it, he wasn’t familiar with its structure, not as intimately as Erik was due to years of living with it anyway. But Charles was a scholar and he might not have his eidetic memory in this body but Erik’s brain was not average either. Charles had immersed himself in the books he picked that he now had quite an extensive knowledge on ferrous and nonferrous metals. He strongly believed that, with the right focus, he could manipulate both on an atomic level.

 

That was why Charles was sitting cross-legged on the floor of the solarium with his eyes closed, his breathing measured - slow to go in and slow to go out. His mind was blank, no thought was allowed in or out, he felt suspended in time. He allowed nothing to enter that silent and serene haven he created for himself. He blocked everything out except for the metal that was everywhere around him. He sensed the pipes and the wiring in the walls, he sensed the metal in the foundations of the mansion, he even sensed the satellite dish that had once marked the unlocking of Erik’s power. He familiarized himself with everything he could sense. He differentiated between the different alloys and even noticed the impurities in some of them.

 

He opened his eyes and started to slowly let the world back in. He breathed deeply and smiled as he designed new exercises for the day’s training. He got off the floor, and as he headed out, he allowed himself a few seconds to admit that Erik’s brain was brilliant and he hadn’t even explored it all. He was sure when he was done he would admit that Erik was in fact a genius. He had always known Erik’s brain was exceptional but he was experiencing it second-hand. It was one thing to be on the outside looking in and another to be the driving force within it.

 

Charles was walking towards his study when he sensed his wheelchair behind him and his good mood plummeted considerably. He was riding the high of his new freedom of movement. He was excited about something new and breathtaking but then he was suddenly confronted with the reason he had both and he didn’t like it. It had been so long since something brought out the eager, bright-eyed scientist in him and he was, for a few hours, happy. Erik’s arrival behind him, however, clouded the brightness that had started to bloom inside him.

 

“Charles!” Erik called out. Charles judged by the speed of the approaching metal that Erik was exerting quite the effort to catch up.

 

He finally did by the time Charles was at the doors to his study. He focused on the melted locks and reshaped them. They weren’t perfect but he managed to push the doors open.

 

“I can see you’re getting comfortable with my powers,” Erik said as he watched Charles manipulate the locks, “A little rudimentary but impressive nonetheless.”

 

Charles didn’t miss the backhanded compliment, “I see you didn’t take the serum. Anxious to get rid of me, Erik?” he said as he pulled the wheelchair behind him with his powers, ignoring Erik’s protests, and closed the doors once they were both inside.

 

“There was no need for that. I could’ve just wheeled myself in,” Erik said through gritted teeth.

 

“I know,” Charles said as he sat in his favourite armchair and crossed his legs. He simply just sat there staring at Erik waiting for him to start talking.

 

Erik wheeled himself closer, “I need your help,” he said begrudgingly.

 

“Yes, you do,” was Charles’ terse reply as he pointed to his head.

 

“Not with that,” Erik said.

 

Charles snorted, “You don’t need help with your telepathy?”

 

Erik fought the urge to roll his eyes, “Yes, I do but that’s not entirely why I’m here.”

 

“Then why are you here?” Charles was becoming impatient. He had experiments to conduct and training to do.

 

“I need you to meet with the New York branch of the Brotherhood in my place,” Erik said bluntly guessing this new version of Charles would appreciate it.

 

He was right, Charles did appreciate it but Erik was also expecting anger, incredulity, downright refusal but he didn’t expect laughter; he sat there and watched as Charles shook with it.

 

“And why would you need me to do that?” Charles said when he finally stopped laughing.

 

“I’m serious, Charles. The Brotherhood can’t know their leader had been compromised the same way your students can’t know of what happened to you,” Erik said hoping his point had gotten through.

 

Charles looked thoughtful for a few seconds, “Fair point. What do you expect me to do exactly?”

 

“Azazel will get you there, you’ll meet with my people, reassure them that I’m only missing the upcoming mission because of what happened here and that I’ll be leading the next one myself, and then Azazel will bring you back and that’s it,” Erik explained.

 

“And what exactly is the mission?” Charles asked, curious in spite of himself.

 

Erik was reluctant to share the details, but if he had any chance of getting Charles to help, he would have to give him more information, “If you agree, I will get you the files and the blueprints to look them over. You will need to see them anyway if we want this to work out.”

 

“Bring me the files and I’ll think about it,” Charles said.

 

It wasn’t exactly consent but it was _something_ and it was definitely more than he could have ever hoped for. He expected a fight which might still come or it might not but he was hopeful. He couldn’t allow the Brotherhood to suffer or fall apart. He would have to manage it through Charles if he had to whatever that cost him, “Agreed. I’ll send Azazel to bring them to you as soon as we’re done here,” Erik said.

 

Charles sighed, “We’re not done?”

 

“No, we’re not. Last night you didn’t tell me how much to take of the serum so I only took a third of the vial.” Erik said and waited for Charles to explain himself.

 

Charles, of course, didn’t, “That’s not enough to block everything out, but I suppose you already know that.” Charles smiled and asked already knowing the answer, “You look tired, Erik. Trouble sleeping?”

 

“Fuck you, Charles,” Erik said through gritted teeth.

 

Charles smiled sweetly, “But Erik darling, you already fucked me. No, wait! I think the right expression would be you already fucked me over.”

 

Erik stared at Charles with a gaping mouth. Charles never swore before and he never returned insult with insult. Despite Erik being at the receiving end of it he still felt proud of Charles. He liked that new side of him. He never really understood the pacifist in him so he found this refreshing, funny even and he ended up laughing, “I literally asked for that.”

 

Charles looked on in amusement then smiled, “You definitely did.” Erik’s humour lit up his eyes, Charles found himself responding in kind.

 

They stared at each other for a while, both of them refusing to be the one that looks away first, as if measuring up each other then Erik finally said calmly, “I need your help, Charles.”

 

“I know and I will,” Charles said uncrossing his legs and leaning forward on his elbows, “Did you get any sleep last night?” he asked without malice.

 

Erik shrugged, “Eventually. After many failed attempts, I finally managed to build a shield that worked. It bought me a few hours of sleep.”

 

Charles nodded, “Then we’ll start with shielding and once you manage that we’ll move to reading surface thoughts; deliberately reading them not just receiving them involuntarily.”

 

Erik frowned, “Speaking of which, I’ve been hearing a lot of those since yesterday and on my way here, even now I’m picking up random thoughts from all over the place, but I’m getting nothing from you. Why is that?”

 

Charles smiled, “I’ve built shields. Yes, plural. The kind of shields only a telepath knows how to build, so good luck trying to get through those.”

 

Erik returned the smile, “So that’s what it feels like when someone shuts you out? I have to say it doesn’t feel nice. Maybe we’ll use those shields of yours for my practice.”

 

“Maybe we will,” Charles said chuckling then continued, “I ran into Ariana yesterday.”

 

Erik looked puzzled, “Who?”

 

Charles rolled his eyes, “Ariana is the telekinetic you saved 2 months ago. She wanted to thank you for saving her,” he said then shook his head and smiled, “You never were a people person.” 

 

“I remember her. She’s a good kid who went through too much,” Erik said solemnly then continued, “And no, I was never a people person. You balanced that out in me though.”

 

Charles’ eyes darted to Erik’s and held his gaze, “We balanced each other out in a lot of things but not where it mattered the most I’m afraid.”

 

“Charles, I-” Erik started but Charles didn’t allow him to finish.

 

“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have brought that up.” Charles said with a frown and he was surprised when Erik backed down with a nod. Erik never backed down from a discussion before. He considered it defeat and he never allowed that even if the discussion he was having was with the man he loved.

 

Charles studied Erik’s face and thought maybe he wasn’t the only one who had changed.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So sorry for taking too long to post this but real life got too real and this chapter just wouldn't come out right. I hope you guys enjoy it anyway.
> 
> Please note this has not been beta-read :)
> 
> Thank you.

 

Charles sat at his desk looking over the documents Azazel brought in. He studied the blueprints and plans and saw the changes made to them due to Erik’s absence. They had to bring in more people to cover the gap and a simple document retrieval mission suddenly seemed dangerous. He was surprised at first that Erik would be part of the mission to begin with but then again Erik is nothing if not dedicated, and it didn’t matter whether the mission was simple or complex, he would be at the forefront of it all. The stray thought that were he better at handling Erik’s powers he would have been able to help startled Charles. He had no idea where the thought came from and when had he ever approved of Erik’s methods and actually thought of helping? Keeping Erik alive was one thing, assisting him on his missions was another.

 

He pushed the blueprints back and pinched the bridge of his nose then, sensing Erik approaching, he opened the door and pulled the wheelchair in.

 

“Again, you didn’t need to do that,” Erik said, studying Charles’ face.

 

Charles smiled tiredly. “I know but it’s good practice,” he said quietly.

 

Erik didn’t smile back. “Are you all right? How long have you been looking at these?” he asked nodding towards the desk.

 

“A little while,” Charles hedged. He had been studying them for hours, coming up with scenario after scenario of where it could go wrong and how to prevent that from happening.

 

“Charles.” Erik said, his tone implying that he saw right through the lie.

 

Charles rubbed his eyes then met Erik’s. “I can’t help it. I can’t help thinking about the plan over and over again. I can’t stop thinking about how the execution might be hindered by your absence, how your people could get hurt because of that, how the security personnel at the facility might get hurt because of that. I can’t help fearing people might get killed. I keep running every angle in my head. There are so many ways this plan could fail and it’s driving me insane.” Charles was breathless by the time he finished talking. He rested his head on his folded arms on the desk. “Damn it, Erik,” Charles said, banging his head once on his arms.

 

“Hey, hey, easy, Charles,” Erik said, hurriedly wheeling himself around the desk, worry written all over his face. He might have asked for too much when he asked for Charles’ help but it couldn’t be avoided. He was torn between his obligations towards the Brotherhood and his worry for Charles. Once he reached Charles’ chair he leaned forward, reached for one of Charles’ hands and held it in his. “It’s going to be all right. My men are fully capable of handling this.” before he realized what he doing, his other hand had already started tracing soothing circles on Charles’ back. He waited for him to flinch or push him away but was surprised when neither happened. Charles simply turned his head to the side and looked at him. Their faces were mere inches apart. Erik stared into Charles’ eyes and found no revulsion or aversion to the close proximity. Encouraged, Erik continued, “I thought of every possible scenario too. You’re not the only genius here you know.”

 

The humour in Erik’s voice made Charles smile. “I suppose not. I am using your brain after all and I have to admit it’s quite impressive.”

 

Erik smiled back. “Your brain isn’t so bad either,” he joked then continued, “It’s going to be fine, Charles. My people know what they’re doing.”

 

“I believe you. I suppose there isn’t a thing I could do to help anyway,” Charles said, squeezing Erik’s hand and studying his face. When the hand on his back moved up to his head he expected to feel the tingling that always came with it to envelop his scalp and travel down his spine, but the tingling never came. It was a reaction exclusive to telepaths whose complex cranial nerves as well as the concentrated flow of blood to their brains made their heads sensitive to touch. He closed his eyes as if it made his next words easier to say. “This doesn’t feel the same as before,” he said with a sigh.

 

“We’re not the same men as before,” Erik said as he continued to stroke Charles’ head.

 

Charles opened his eyes and fixed his gaze to Erik’s. “I suppose we’re not,” he said then smiled, “I’m Charles Xavier. It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

 

Erik didn’t smile back as he said, “I’m Erik Lehnsherr and I assure you the pleasure is all mine.”

 

Erik looked into Charles’ eyes for a long moment. Neither of them seemed capable of looking away. Erik had missed this; missed sitting quietly with Charles making plans, brainstorming, playing chess, drinking, arguing, laughing, kissing, having sex. Erik missed Charles so much and at that moment it consumed him. It was all he could think of. He wanted Charles back; his reassuring presence, his patience. He desperately wanted to win back his trust but most importantly he wanted to win back his love. He physically ached at Charles’ simple touch on his hand. His breath hitched, time seemed to slow down as he leaned in and watched Charles’ eyes close and lips part. The instant their lips touched Erik felt the ground swallow him.

 

~~~~~~~~~

 

_Erik’s eyes bore into Charles’ with such heat he shuddered. He had to have his lips on his, he couldn’t not to. He needed it like he needed to breathe. He pulled Erik down and devoured his mouth. It couldn’t be called a kiss the way Charles was biting, licking and sucking on Erik’s lips and tongue. Erik moaned into Charles’ mouth as Charles squeezed his ass roughly and pulled him in deeper._

 

_Erik was breathless in his favourite armchair in the study. His pants were undone and Charles’ hands were everywhere. He stroked his cock and massaged his balls then his mouth joined in making him come._

 

_Erik held on to the headboard, knees spread wide on the bed as Charles stroked every inch of his skin he could reach. Charles mouthed at his shoulders and back as he felt the weight of Erik’s balls in one hand and the hard length of his cock in another. When Erik moaned Charles’ name, Charles nearly came with his own cock hardly touched._

 

~~~~~~~~~

 

Charles and Erik gasped as they parted with their eyes wide in surprise. The onslaught of the memories left them breathless. Charles pulled away so fast Erik nearly toppled out of the wheelchair.

 

Charles walked around the study, shaking his head. He walked in circles while Erik watched silently. He finally stopped and rested his forehead on a row of books, his body shaking. “That’s not fair. That is not bloody fair,” he said slamming a fist into the books. The entire shelf shook and books went flying to the other side of the room. He pulled back from the shelves with a gasp and slowly turned to look at the strewn books in bewilderment.

 

“Charles?” the caution in Erik’s voice drew Charles’ attention. He slowly turned his head towards Erik and stared. “You need to calm down or you’ll blow us up,” Erik said with his hands raised as if placating a cornered animal. Charles looked at Erik uncomprehendingly then upon noticing Erik’s roaming gaze on his body he looked down at himself. He took in a sharp breath as he saw the shimmering, almost imperceptible force field that surrounded him. His brain started to analyze the situation as he looked between the bookshelves and his hands. He quickly reached the conclusion that he had hit the shelves with an electromagnetic pulse and as a defense mechanism he created a force field to protect himself from the flying books. He looked up at Erik, eyes wide and mouth open. 

 

The corner of Erik’s mouth turned up. “You think it’s unfair that I’m starting to recover your memories? I think you recovering my powers through muscle-memory is much better than me remembering the happiest days of my life knowing I can’t have them back.” When Charles remained stunned and quiet, Erik sighed. He wheeled himself towards the door and said with a half smile and a hint of a challenge, “Will you get the doors for me?” Charles met his eyes and Erik watched in amusement as the doors opened without a twitch in Charles’ body. “I suppose that’s becoming child play to you now. I’ll see you later for my own training when you come down from this high,” Erik said as he exited the room, leaving Charles to his own thoughts.

 

It took Charles an hour until he was able to function again. Accessing Erik’s powers through muscle-memory gave him an idea. Teaching him to use his telepathy from scratch would take too much time, they had to have another option besides basic training. He went to see Hank and they discussed synthesizing a serum that affected the memory centers of the brain. Hank wasn’t sold to the idea per se but he also agreed to see what he could do. That too might take time but should it work, it would save them a lot of trouble and unfortunate telepathic accidents.

 

Charles believed that allowing Erik access to his memories was worse than Erik experiencing the difficulties Charles faced first-hand. Erik would know everything Charles had gone through and feel everything Charles had felt and Charles would be exposed and vulnerable. He hated it, but there was a bigger picture he had to look at. The school was already beginning to suffer from his absence as a teacher and principal. He spent most of his time familiarizing himself with Erik’s powers he hardly had time for anything else. The Brotherhood was almost without a leader and its members were becoming restless. They were going on missions without proper protection and they were unknowingly relying on the person who opposed their means to lead them. Erik had to go back to who he was and Charles had to reconcile himself with the confinement of his body once more. The thought was heavy on his heart. He enjoyed the excitement and the literal buzz that Erik’s powers gave him. He revelled in discovering the uncharted territory of body swap. He wanted to learn more and more, but it was like watching an hourglass rapidly empty as he stood powerless, unable to stop it.

 

He stepped away from the window and turned towards the doors. “Come in,” he said to whoever was knocking on the other side. 

 

Raven walked in, her eyes widening at the mess then said with her face and tone business like, “We’re ready for you at headquarters.”

 

Charles nodded once. “Get Azazel,” he said, his voice commanding. 

 

Azazel appeared in a puff of smoke as if he had heard the command and said, “Whenever you’re ready.”

 

“I’m ready.” Charles said as he picked up the helmet from his desk and put it on. He steeled himself for what was coming. If he had any hope at succeeding he had to leave his apprehensions behind and focus on becoming Erik. It shouldn’t be too hard, he thought as he walked over to Azazel and Raven, he was Erik. He was Magneto. Charles corrected himself. He knew him well before but now he knew him inside out. He took comfort in the fact that he was beginning to control Erik’s powers better. That is if one can call it control because he couldn’t really control them, they responded to his emotions not his command and with powers as devastating as Erik’s that wasn’t a positive thing. He reached Azazel and accepted the offered hand. He blinked and they were in Erik’s room it seemed if the files, metal bed, metal sculptures and strewn clothes were any indicator.

 

Raven turned to face him. “Keep it short and simple. Azazel and I will keep everyone in check if needed. You’ve seen everyone’s files, you better remember their names or all this will be shot to hell,” she said with a not so small amount of derision.

 

Charles didn’t appreciate the tone or the implication that he was a screw up. He didn’t even want Raven there to begin with but he was starting to see the benefit that came from it. She was making him irritable, angry. No, she was making him furious, whether or not she was doing it deliberately didn’t matter to him at that point. He revelled in it. “I suggest you watch your words with me, Mystique. Disrespect and insubordination are inexcusable,” Charles said and watched in satisfaction as Raven’s eyes flared.

 

Azazel raised an eyebrow at Charles’ flawless imitation of Erik’s accent and facial expression then said, “I think you’re ready, Magneto. Follow me!”

 

Charles was almost amused at being called that but he said nothing and turned following Azazel out. He stretched out with his power to feel the metal structure of the building as they navigated the underground facility. He noticed that it didn’t require as much focus as it used to the day before. He would have to speak with Erik about control he started to think then stopped the thought in its tracks. He had taken huge leaps and bounds with Erik’s powers but he had offered him nothing in return. He hated to think himself selfish so he decided, should the meeting go without a hitch, he would start training Erik as soon as he got back and for as long as Erik wanted.

 

They finally reached a closed door with muted, but obviously heated, conversation behind it. Azazel reached for the doorknob and looked at Charles who nodded. Azazel pushed the door open, and as soon as everyone saw Magneto walk in, all conversations came to a halt and the seven mutants in the room got to their feet.

 

Charles gestured for them to sit down then moved to the front of the room. He was shaking inside but he had promised he would help and, although he believed he didn’t owe Erik anything, he didn’t want to break his word. He pulled himself straight and met everyone gaze with steel then spoke with such authority and confidence that he deemed a flawless imitation of Magneto. “You all know what this meeting is about so I’ll keep it short and simple,” he said and felt rather than saw Raven fidget from one foot to the other. “You all know what you need to do so I won’t go over that either. I just wanted you know that this will be the only mission you go on without me. I have no doubt you will handle this flawlessly without getting yourselves hurt or killed. Stay in contact with each other at all times. Azazel will be with you throughout the entire mission for emergency extraction in case anything goes wrong. This is a document retrieval mission. I don’t want any casualties. Am I clear?” when everyone nodded he asked, “Any questions?”

 

“Yes, one question if you don’t mind,” Janos said with his hands in his pockets. “When will you be back to headquarters?”

 

Charles didn’t appreciate the attitude or the defiance in Janos’ stance. “I’ll be back as soon as the dust settles in Professor X’s school.” he answered.

 

“And how long will that take, Magneto? We’re going out risking our lives for you while you play house with Xavi--”

 

Janos didn’t get a chance to finish his sentence. He was levitated and stuck to the wall with a look from Charles who walked slowly towards him. Charles ignored the collective gasps and kept moving. His tone was ice cold and threatening when he said, “I don’t really mind my people asking me questions and offering input about missions, I really don’t, but when you start questioning my loyalty and dedication to our cause, that I find inexcusable. I have zero tolerance for disrespect and I suggest you remember that next time you open your mouth to speak with me. In fact, I insist upon it.” Charles at that point was almost face to face with Janos as he continued, “And that professor you just disregarded with your insolence saved all our lives more than once so maybe you could show him some respect too. Do you understand, Janos?” Charles stared at Janos, waiting for an answer. 

 

Janos nodded and said, “Yes, Magneto. My apologies.” He clearly didn’t mean it but Charles let it slide.

 

“Apology accepted,” Charles said, just to rub it in, then turned his back to him as he released him. “And you’re not risking your lives for my sake, you’re doing it for the sake of our kind,” he said as he returned to stand by Azazel again. “I believe that concludes the meeting for today. Azazel, I expect a full report on the mission upon it’s completion as well as the retrieved documents to be delivered to me at the Xavier mansion as soon as possible.”

 

“Of course, comrade,” Azazel replied with a nod.

 

“Be safe my brothers and sisters,” Charles said to the mutants in the room as he outstretched a hand to Azazel who took it and teleported them out before anyone got a chance to reply, leaving Raven behind.

 

Azazel let go of his hand as soon as they were solidly standing in the middle of Charles’ room and said, “You did extremely well today, Professor. Magneto would be proud,” he then left without giving Charles the opportunity to reply, not that Charles would have been able to anyway as shocked as he was. 

 

He stared at the spot that Azazel vacated for a long time. He tried to make sense of how he was feeling, tried to put a word to it, to describe it. He finally settled on elated. The respect everyone showed him upon entering the room, except for Janos that is, left him buzzing. The loyalty and reverence the members of the Brotherhood regarded him with was fulfilling. Not that he was not respected in the school; of course he was, but it came from gratitude for what he did for the children, for his kindness and protectiveness. Erik’s people respected him for his sheer strength and formidable powers. It felt different. It’s the kind of power over people that got to your head. He wondered how Erik didn’t succumb to the temptation of it all and remained as level-headed as he was because Charles let it take over him. He revelled in it. It gave him a new kind of confidence he hadn’t experienced before.

 

Azazel’s words rang in his head and he wanted to find Erik. He had to tell him how it went and hear what he would say. Would he be proud? Would he hate that Charles could, for however shortly, take his place as the head of the Brotherhood? Charles was proud of himself, however, he was torn between seeing approval in Erik’s eyes and downright rubbing it in his face that he wasn’t weak and could easily pretend to be him, to be able to motivate his people and lead them.

 

Suddenly, he felt he couldn’t wait. He rushed over to Erik’s room but was surprised to find it empty. He frowned, took his helmet off, lowered his shields and mentally called out to Erik. He wasn’t sure Erik would hear him but he was amused yet somehow mad that Erik could actually hear him and respond with _history_ _class_. Erik was teaching his history class? What twisted version of it was he feeding the young impressionable minds of his students? Who allowed this madness? He ran to the room that held his history class. He was nearly at the door when an iron fist gripped his arm making his stop in his tracks, nearly toppling him over. He turned around enraged to find it was Logan. He tried to yank his arm free but Logan wouldn’t let go.

 

“Easy, bub. You’re gonna hurt yourself and I ain’t letting go,” Logan said with his brows furrowed.

 

“Let go of my arm this instant, Logan,” Charles said as he contemplated throwing him against the wall. “Who allowed this? Erik Lehnsherr teaching history? What the hell!” Charles asked through gritted teeth.

 

“I allowed it and he’s following your teacher’s notes. He’s not making things up or twisting facts. I’ve been watching at the door the whole time partly to keep an eye on him and partly waiting for you to do something stupid,” Logan said, the challenge in his voice didn’t go unnoticed.

 

“And you didn’t think to run this by me first?” Charles asked incredulously.

 

Logan looked affronted. “Well, you were already gone role playing and I had to make a decision. I thought you trusted me with running the school while you sort out this mess,” he said letting go of Charles’ arm as if it burned him.

 

Charles took a deep breath to calm himself. “Of course I trust you, Logan. Don’t ever doubt that. I suppose I was just caught be surprise but why?” he said trying to placate his friend. He was surprised at himself. He couldn’t believe he contemplated throwing his best friend against a wall and doubted his best friend’s decisions. He wasn’t a violent man and he sure wasn’t untrusting either.

 

Logan seemed to relax marginally as he said, “The students were getting worried. They asked about you every day. Ariana cried when you didn’t show up for days. I had to do something and Lehnsherr was my best option just as you were his.” He paused for a second watching Charles’ face. “The kids love you. You’re the father who accepts them and loves them when their own threw them out and called them freaks. They needed you and if Lehnsherr is all I could do then so be it. Besides, he wasn’t too excited about it but I guess he wanted to help you the way you’re helping him,” Logan said the last sentence begrudgingly as if it hurt him to admit Erik had done something good.

 

Charles smiled as he felt Logan’s words warm his heart. He loved his students dearly and he certainly knew they loved him back. How could he not know when they projected their love and gratitude whenever they saw him? He sighed and said, “You’re right. I’m sorry my friend. I trust you gave him the student’s files to memorize their names?”

 

Logan rolled his eyes which actually made Charles chuckle. The expression on the surly Wolverine was entertaining. “Of course I did. I thought he could make use of that eidetic memory of yours,” Logan said with smile.

 

Charles smiled widely and asked, “On a scale of 1 to 10 how fun is it to watch him squirm in class?”

 

Logan snorted then said, “Come see for yourself.”

 

They walked together to the classroom. Logan stood at the door looking in while Charles pressed his back to the wall by the door to remain unseen. He expected to hear discomfort or uncertainty but what he heard was his own voice, his own accent, his own tone explain the lesson and take questions. His jaw dropped when Erik made a joke making his students laugh. Who was this man? What has he done to Erik? He knew Erik was kind, he wouldn’t have loved him otherwise, but that was new, different. It was even different from when they trained their first class together to face Shaw. 

 

Charles was lost in thought until he heard Erik say, “Magneto, why are you just standing there? Come in and meet my class.”

 

Charles’ head snapped to the side. He checked his shields and found them still lowered. He frantically wondered how much Erik had heard. _Everything_ was Erik’s telepathic reply. Charles' eyes widened in surprise then focused on picturing himself kicking Erik’s ass out making Erik chuckle. He hurriedly rebuilt his shields then met Logan’s eyes and nearly punched him in the face when he saw the corner of his mouth lift in amusement. He had obviously caught on the silent communication between the two. Charles rolled his eyes and pushed himself off the wall and straightened his clothes before walking into the room.

 

All the students’ heads turned towards him and watched in awe as he walked confidently to stand beside Erik’s chair. He gave the class a curt nod and said nothing.

 

“Hello again, Mr. Magneto,” Ariana said with a wide smile that Charles couldn’t help but return.

 

“Hello, Ariana,” Charles said then greeted the rest of the class, “Hello, everyone.”

 

“Hello, sir,” came the collective response.

 

“Everyone here knows who you are, Magneto. You see there’s a chapter about the Cuban missile crisis and your role in it,” Erik said, not even trying to hide the mirth in his voice.

 

“Really? That’s very interesting, Professor,” Charles said, looking at Erik’s profile and saw the smile he was trying to hold back. “I would love to read it some time,” Charles continued.

 

“I’m sure you would. Please, join us. We won’t take too long,” Erik said meeting Charles’ eyes as if daring him to say no.

 

“Of course, Professor. It would be my pleasure,” Charles sat on a nearby chair out of the way and watched as Erik continued teaching his class. 

 

When the class was finished and the students were dismissed, Erik turned to Charles. “So, how did I do, Professor?” Erik asked with a smile.

 

Charles smiled back then said, “Admirably well, Magneto.” 

 

They both just smiled and stared at each other for a moment then Erik said, “We need to talk.”

 

Charles nodded, got up and walked to the door, pulling the wheelchair behind him. Erik rolled his eyes but said nothing. Once they were out the door, Charles pulled the wheelchair to him so they were side by side. They moved in comfortable silence towards Erik’s room until Erik broke it. “How did the meeting go?” Erik asked.

 

“Would you like me to show you?” Charles asked. When Erik nodded his approval Charles replayed the whole encounter in his head. He looked at Erik to see if he were receiving it. He judged by Erik’s raised eyebrow and then his chuckle that he indeed was. When Charles was done, he asked, “So, how did I do, Magneto?”

 

Erik smiled and said, “Admirably well, Professor.”

 

Once they reached Erik’s room, they settled in front of the fireplace facing each other. 

 

“I remembered more. I remembered Cuba.” Erik blurted out, his gaze lowered. When Charles said nothing Erik looked up to find him incredibly still, not even blinking. “I remembered everything about Cuba. I saw everything, but from your perspective. I remembered how you felt as I went in to find Shaw, how you felt when I pushed that coin into his head,” Erik’s voice broke but cleared his throat and continued. “I know exactly how you felt when that damned bullet hit your back, how you felt when--”

 

“Erik, stop,” Charles said but Erik wouldn’t listen.

 

“No, no, I need to say this and, deny it all you want, you need to hear this,” Erik said, desperation dripping from his voice. “I am so sorry. I can’t even begin to tell you how sorry I am. I never imagined you would feel what Shaw felt. I --”

 

“How the hell does that even work?” Charles interrupted. “You’re in my body and you’re accessing my memories which makes sense. What doesn’t make sense is why I still remember everything too,” Charles felt his anger, which was constantly too close to the surface lately, start to rise in his chest, “I don’t want this. I hate this. I hate that you can remember things I don’t want you to know, things you have _no right_ to know.” Charles shook his head. “Enough with the trips down memory lane. You want my memories? You can have them, but I sure as hell won’t sit here and tolerate you trying to make yourself feel better about it all,” Charles said and rose from his armchair intending to leave, but Erik refused to back down.

 

“Charles, I owe you --” 

 

Charles turned to him, anger etched on his face. “I said, enough,” Charles said, and with a look, pushed the wheelchair back so hard it hit the wall.

 

Erik shock didn’t last long and anger pushed it’s way through the consuming guilt and took over. He was never one to take a beating without fighting back. Paralyzed or not he wasn’t going to take this lying down. Before he even realized what he was doing, he found himself focusing on Charles and thinking _pain_. Charles fell to his knees, holding his head in his hands and screaming in agony.

 

Charles gritted his teeth through the pain and hastily built a shield. It seemed to work because the pain subsided and he quickly sent the wheelchair flying, throwing Erik to the ground. 

 

Erik landed on his face with a grunt. He quickly turned on his back and conjured up the memory of the bullet severing Charles’ spine and projected it so hard that Charles gasped and froze as he relived the moment in his mind. Erik used the moment of distraction to crawl to the wheelchair. He didn’t make it far. His efforts to get to the wheelchair cost him his focus on the projection. 

 

Charles pushed the wheelchair out of Erik’s reach and sent it crashing into the bookshelves. The shelves broke and the books fell to the ground. He then flipped Erik on his back by the watch on his wrist.

 

The twist of his wrist sent shooting pain all the way to Erik’s shoulder. Erik’s anger hit a new high. He gritted his teeth and with all the focus he could muster, he mentally screamed _stop_.

 

Charles froze mid-stride, his eyes focused on Erik. “You need to work better on your commands, Erik,” Charles said, a slow smile taking form on his lips. “Stop means I stop moving, it doesn’t mean I can’t use my powers.”

 

Erik stared at Charles in shock as the air seemed to electrify and his hold on Charles started to waver. Charles was creating an electrical interference that eventually loosened Erik’s grip on him.

 

Charles straightened and slowly approached Erik’s helpless body when the door suddenly sprung open. They both turned to see Hank in his blue form and Logan with his claws drawn out. Hank and Logan exchanged looks then both ran forward; Logan towards Erik and Hank towards Charles.

 

Charles quickly turned back to Erik but before he could do anything he was flung through the air to hit the wall behind him. He grunted on impact and landed with a thud. He tried to get up but a blow to his head rendered him unconscious.

 


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm extremely sorry for taking so long to update but real life got real and I hardly had the time to write.
> 
> A huge thank you goes to the lovely CandyCandy for writing this chapter with me (and the next one too :D) It was loads of fun. Love you, hun.
> 
> This has not been beta-read so I apologize in advance for the mistakes you will surely find :)
> 
> I hope you enjoy this.

Erik stared at Charles’ unconscious body as his own started shaking. He had no clue how things escalated so fast, or maybe he did. He knew he pushed and had been pushing Charles for days with unwanted apologies, but he couldn’t help it. He was aware of the extent of hurt and pain he had caused Charles. He ruined his life and if that weren’t bad enough, he then turned his back on him. He chose the cause over the man he loved. He knew first-hand the difficulties Charles had endured due to his injury and he needed Charles to know how sorry he was. He regretted not being present for Charles but he never expected Charles to welcome his presence anyway. Maybe he would have accepted the help, maybe he wouldn’t have, Erik would never know because he never tried. He was honest enough with himself to admit he had lacked the courage to offer in the first place. Erik never regretted acting on his beliefs, and had resolved himself to living with the consequences of his choice. At that moment though, he admitted he could have handled the fallout differently, diplomatically, instead of just disappearing into a puff of smoke leaving Charles fighting for his life.  
  
He knew Charles was rightfully angry at him but how angry? He couldn’t know for certain, or rather he was beginning to understand how much. He wondered what Charles would have done to him had Logan and Hank not burst in at just the right moment. Would Charles have killed him? Did Charles have it in him to take a life? The Charles that Erik knew was incapable of causing a complete stranger any pain let alone someone he loved at some point in his life. The concept of violence was abhorrent to Charles and that was the crux of their disagreement and that was why Erik sat in the study, shaking. He was no stranger to violence, he embraced it even. What left him reeling was that it was Charles he had fought against. Was this what had become of Charles after Cuba? Was the man Charles had become of Erik’s own creation? Or was it a side-effect of the swap? His mind rejected the idea, it couldn’t be. Erik felt the same as he always had. He might have been humbled by the experience of living in Charles’ shoes, but he was still the same warrior he had always been. Erik let out a shaky breath as he resigned himself to the thought that the angry and resentful version of Charles was of his own making and had no choice but to accept what has become of the man he loved.   
  
“The wheels on that thing are done, Lehnsherr,” Logan said to Erik who only stared at him unblinking. Logan sighed impatiently then said, “You have one of two options: either you crawl to your room, which I have no problem with, or I carry you there. Which will it be?”   
  
Erik blinked and shook his head. “Second option,” he said in a whisper and reluctantly accepted Logan’s help who carried him as if he weighed nothing. The trip to his room was done in silence. Erik swallowed repeatedly against the bile rising in his throat and prayed he wouldn’t throw up all over Logan. He could do without the added humiliation.   
  
Upon reaching Erik’s room, Logan opened the door with the hand that was holding Erik’s knees and then he shut it with a loud bang, causing Erik to nearly jump out of his hold. Logan set him down on the bed gently then straightened. “I’ll go fix that chair now,” he said, then shoved his hands in his pockets, the set of shoulders belying his discomfort. “Do you need anything until then?” he asked looking at his feet.   
  
Erik ignored the question. “Do you think Charles hates me enough to want to kill me?” he asked Logan who refused to meet his gaze.   
  
“Look, Lehnsherr, whatever’s happening between you and the Professor is none of my damn business as long as it doesn’t affect this school or the students in it. You’ll need to handle whatever shit you two have going on amongst yourselves,” Logan said, finally meeting Erik’s eyes. The desperation on Erik’s face made him want to groan so he added, “He kept you alive, didn’t he? Saved your worthless life over and over. Why do you think he did that? So he could kill you himself? He could have done that easily enough through Cerebro in a few colorful ways too but he didn’t, so no, he doesn’t hate you enough to want you dead.”   
  
Erik merely nodded and Logan was grateful that Erik was a man of few words. He didn’t want to talk about the tension between the two men any more than necessary. “I’ll go fix that wheelchair for you now. In the meantime, think about what you’ve done to piss off the Professor so bad he nearly killed you,” Logan suggested as he turned to leave.   
  
“I was trying to apologize,” Erik blurted to Logan’s retreating back.   
  
Logan stopped and turned slowly. “And what good would have come out of that?” he asked, while gazing down at Erik in disgust.   
  
Erik laughed without humour. “That’s exactly what Charles asked,” He retorted.   
  
“Then you should have listened and kept your mouth shut ‘cause nothing you say will give him back his life as it was before you came around,” Logan replied, but when Erik seemed to want to add something, he interrupted, “I’m not interested Lehnsherr. Whatever you have to say doesn’t mean shit to me. Now, shut up before I take my sweet time with that wheelchair.” When Logan turned to leave this time, Erik said nothing.   
  
He stared at the door Logan had closed as his mind went back to the same question: what would have Charles done had Logan and Hank not come to stop him?

* * *

“I don’t know,” Charles said to Hank who had been pacing ever since Charles came to.   
  
Hank stopped pacing and stared at Charles in disbelief. “You don’t know? You don’t know if you would’ve killed him? What kind of an answer is that, Charles?” Hank asked incredulously, his fur seeming to bristle.   
  
“Yes, Hank. I don’t know. I wasn’t thinking clearly. No, actually I don’t believe I was thinking at all. All I know is that I was angry, enraged at Erik’s repeated, pointless attempts to apologize like it means anything or changes anything. I just wanted him to stop.” Charles said, running his hands repeatedly over his short hair as if it would help it grow faster so he could pull on it. He winced when his fingers dragged over the forming bruise at the back of his head.   
  
With his hands at his waist Hank asked, cutting them through the air in a show of his confusion. “Tell me again what happened. Don’t leave anything out.”   
  
Charles sighed, “We’ve been over this, Hank. I already told you everything that’s happened since I got back from that Brotherhood meeting.”   
  
Hank nearly snarled, but instead he said, “And we’ll go over it again until it starts making sense to me.” Hank started pacing again. “Last time I checked Erik could only shield and project. Today, suddenly he can read surface thoughts, give commands and, God help us all, incapacitate you by giving you the illusion you’re in pain. How on earth did that happen?”   
  
“Anger is my best guess,” Charles said as he got out of bed and walked to the window. “Anger seems to trigger the more complex of Erik’s abilities with me. It might be the same for him.” He turned to face Hank then continued, “However, it seems I’m far more angry and far more often than him because I’m way ahead of Erik when it comes to controlling our borrowed powers.”   
  
“I can’t say I’m unhappy about that. We need you in full control of Erik’s powers but not like this, Professor. It won’t end well if today is any indicator.” Hank said quietly, watching Charles’ reactions.   
  
Charles remained quiet for a few seconds then sighed and turned back to face the window. “I don’t know what’s happening to me, Hank. Maybe this is how I always was, maybe this is the man who came back from Cuba but now he’s let loose. Even before this swap I was always angry, I just never let it take over; learned to bury it. I took comfort in having you and Logan with me. I took comfort in running the school and feeling the students’ gratitude.” Charles turned again to meet Hank’s eyes. “This swap just reminded me of everything I’ve lost and I let it take over me. I’d tell you I’m sorry but I’d be lying, my friend. I haven’t felt this alive in five years and I don’t want this feeling to go away.”   
  
“It will, eventually, when we figure this out, Professor.” Hank said carefully.   
  
“I know and that makes me even more angry.” Charles said, his expression hardening.

* * *

Erik couldn’t sleep. It was well after midnight but his mind wouldn’t quiet down enough for him to relax. He ran over his confrontation with Charles over and over and decided he’d never apologize again. Not only because he had his pride to think of, but also because Charles repeatedly said he didn’t want it. He had tried to show his remorse and it was unwelcome, but at least it was acknowledged. It served no purpose but to unbalance Charles’ tenuous control on his anger and Erik was growing weary of dealing with the resulting rage and possible destruction. If he wanted things to settle between himself and Charles, he had to let it go. He had made a mistake, he apologized for it and was literally living with the consequences. He was atoning for abandoning Charles in a way he never thought possible. His actions had forged this new version of Charles and he accepted his responsibility for it. He still couldn’t determine how he felt about the change in Charles though. Charles’ idealism always frustrated Erik but now that it seemed to have all but vanished Erik couldn’t help but wonder if that idealism, that never-ending optimism, was what attracted him to Charles in the first place. Part of him appreciated this new Charles, the fighter in him couldn’t help but imagine the possibilities of how even stronger the Brotherhood would be if Charles were by his side.   
  
Erik sighed as he decided he needed to let go of his guilt once and for all. Allowing it to eat at him made him vulnerable and he wasn’t about to allow that to happen again. He was physically vulnerable already, he wouldn’t allow himself to be so mentally as well. He was in the body of the strongest telepath in the world and he’d be damned if he was caught by surprise like that again.   
  
He thought back to their fight, but his focus was entirely on what he was capable of doing. He felt pride swell in his chest despite the fact that everything he’d done had not been of his own conscious doing. What mattered most to him was that he didn’t take Charles’ aggression lying down, he fought back and fought hard and he was only just beginning to scratch the surface.   
  
Riding the high of his pride in himself, he lowered his shields and sought out Charles’ now familiar mind. He was almost offended to find him sleeping and wondered how the hell he could after nearly killing him. He gritted his teeth and commanded _wake up!_ He felt Charles’ consciousness begin to stir awake but Erik had no patience to wait so he rang an alarm through his mind. He felt Charles’ mind snap to attention without any trace of sleep or disorientation. Erik felt smug.   
  
_“Fuck off, Erik._ ” Charles thought, sending as much irritation as he could muster through their telepathic link.   
  
_“Fuck you, Charles.”_   
  
_“Did you wake me up just to tell me that? Go fuck yourself.”_   
  
Despite everything that had happened that day Erik still found himself entertained by Charles’ colourful language. However, he didn’t let that stop him from getting his point across, _“No, I just wanted to tell you that I’m done apologizing to you, Charles. I’ve come to peace with what I’ve done. I’m over trying to set things right.”_   
  
_“Fucking bloody finally. I don’t need you to. I don’t want you to,”_ Charles said with a not so small amount of anger that seemed to suddenly deflate as he continued, _“What’s done is done and nothing could change the reality of my life after Cuba, Erik.”_   
  
_“I’m aware of that. I’m also aware that I should’ve had the balls to ask after you regardless of whether you needed it or not. And before you say anything, I’m not apologizing, I’m stating facts. I could’ve handled that better, it didn’t have to be that abrupt, that black and white. I shouldn’t have left. I should’ve stayed until I was sure you were properly taken care of at least. These are the facts I’ve come to terms with.”_   
  
Charles was quiet for a few moments that Erik wondered if he had shielded his mind. Relief hit him when Charles spoke again. _“For the longest time I hated you for that bullet. It took me years to admit to myself that it was a mistake. You never would have hurt me, Erik, not deliberately. I do hate you for leaving though. What we had should have surpassed our opposing ideologies at least for a little while, but it didn’t. You and Mystique left me when I needed you the most.”_   
  
Erik could feel the sorrow in Charles’ thoughts clearly and he felt it stab him in the chest. He was about to apologize once again but caught himself. They crossed that bridge and it was burning at his back. _“Why did you save my life, Charles?”_   
  
The question caught Charles by surprise and Erik felt it. _“Would you rather I had left you to die?”_  
  
_“I need a straight answer, please!”_  
  
_“You’re the telepath. Why don’t you see for yourself?”_   
  
Erik groaned. _“You know I can’t do that.”_  
  
_“Well, I suppose you need to learn then.”_  
  
_“Charles!”_   
  
_“Don’t push, Erik,”_ Charles hissed as he started building his shields. Erik could see a fortress rising bit by bit from the ground. With every part revealed he felt his link to Charles weaken. It was erect in seconds but a window was open and he could hear Charles wish him goodnight followed by a faint _I’m sorry about today_ before that window was sealed shut severing the link.

* * *

Charles’ eyes sprang open before the sun even broke the horizon. He had been dreaming, but as he started to become more alert he realized that they hadn’t been dreams; they had been memories, Erik’s. They were so horrifying he was covered in cold sweat. He closed his eyes but the images of experimentation facilities, autopsy reports, mutilated mutants - some of which were children no older that 7 - were imprinted on the inside of his eyelids. He opened his eyes again and felt his stomach turn. He ran to the bathroom just in time to throw up.

* * *

  
It was noon the next day when Logan knocked on Charles’ door to tell him they were meeting in the study in ten minutes. Charles was apprehensive about meeting Erik after their altercation the day before. He wasn't confident in his ability to meet Erik’s eyes and not immediately apologize. Charles was confused to say the least. He was angry at Erik for abandoning him, of that he was certain, but he also knew for a fact that he didn’t want Erik hurt or dead. Erik’s life was what he had been fighting for all those years. He saved him time and time again. He still couldn’t wrap his head around what he had done in the study. It felt as if it were of someone else’s doing, yet he felt pride swell in him as he thought of how he finally showed Erik that he was capable of hurting him, capable of standing up for himself. Charles could feel two sides of himself warring with each other. The angry and the forgiving, each fighting for dominance. Charles didn’t want anger to be the driving force in his life, yet he couldn’t be all forgiving either. He sighed as he told himself he would need to be both, to learn when to allow each to take over. It didn’t feel as easy as it sounded in his head but he was certain he had to try.   
  
The man he was becoming didn’t appeal to him much. He didn’t want to lose himself to anger, it wasn’t who he was. He was experiencing physical and intellectual freedom that he had missed for years. He wanted it to last, it angered him that it probably wouldn’t, but he had to admit that maybe he was the one who'd been depriving himself of that freedom. In his efforts to cope with his new life he had limited himself. He had lost himself to a life of routine because it was safe. He distanced himself from everyone, with the exception of Logan and Hank, and became Professor X. He was no longer Charles Xavier. He seemed to have lost an integral part of himself as he rebuilt what was wrecked in Cuba. It felt as if he had forgotten to put back a piece of him in the process, a piece of who he was, the piece that made him Charles. Tears slid down his face as realization hit him: he missed himself. He missed the part of himself that was capable of humour and could actually feel it tickle something within him. He missed the part of himself that was undisciplined and non-conforming. He missed the carefree, happy part of himself. He had imprisoned that side unknowingly in his attempt to survive.   
  
When a second knock sounded on his door, he pulled himself together and wiped his face. “We’re waiting for you, Bub,” Logan grunted through the door.   
  
“I’ll be right there, Logan. You go on ahead,” Charles said as he stared at his reflection in the mirror. He straightened his clothes and steeled his composure, and then left his room and headed for the study.   
  
He stopped in his tracks as he took in the damage he had done for the first time. Part of the bookshelves was destroyed but the furniture was in tact. There were books piled on the floor in a corner. He recognized a rare first edition on top of the pile that was torn and damaged beyond repair. He refused to see any similarities between himself and the book. As he looked away his eyes met Erik’s. He saw a faint smile curl his lips. It was kind and somewhat reassuring. He hadn’t worn the helmet but his shields we strong. He knew Erik's kindness couldn’t have been due to Erik reading his thoughts, but then again Erik never needed telepathy to know what Charles was thinking. Whatever the reason, he breathed easier at the thought of them still knowing each other that well and returned the smile. “My apologies for being late,” Charles said as he took a seat in his armchair which was apparently left vacant on purpose for him.   
  
“That’s alright. We haven’t been waiting long,” Raven said. Charles looked at her and saw yet another missing part of himself that wasn’t willing to stay, but now that it was back he wasn’t willing to let it in. Yet another abandonment, another hurt that he needed to reconcile with. Charles simply nodded his acknowledgement and looked around again.   
  
They would have made a very peculiar picture to anyone who didn’t know of the swap. It would have looked as if Charles and Erik’s right-hand people had switched sides as Hank and Logan stood by Erik, while Raven and Azazel hovered around Charles.

It was Azazel who had called for a meeting and once they were all settled he brought forward a box, pulling thick folders out of it. If he sensed the tension in everyone in the room, he made no indication of it.  
  
“This is part of the documents we retrieved yesterday,” Azazel said as he opened one of the folders and handed it to Erik. “A lot of the documents are redacted but the bottom line is the same; the attack on the mansion was part of a plan to get the two of you in the same place and take you out.”   
  
“What?” Charles demanded pushing out of the armchair. He walked over to Erik and leaned in to read over his shoulder. “This is an intel report on all the times I warned you of an attack.” He said as he picked up the page for closer inspection.   
  
Erik turned the pages and stopped on one in particular with a deep frown etching his face. “They deliberately leaked the intel of their attack on the mansion. They knew I’d be here to stop it,” Erik said then turned to look at Charles. “They must have wanted us both dead and when they failed to do that they incapacitated us with this swap.”   
  
“So someone wanted you and the Professor out of the picture, but why?” Logan asked the room.   
  
Hank cleared his throat and spoke, while not looking at anyone in particular, “Well, it might be someone is planning something big and wanted to take out the opposition, and in this case it was you two: Professor X and Magneto.” He pushed his glasses up his nose and met Raven’s eyes, then continued, “The world’s strongest telepath and the man who could control the earth’s core if he so chose to? If I were them, I wouldn’t want to face off with these two either.” He finished gesturing at them where they stood as a pair: the two deadliest mutants in the world.   
  
Charles and Erik exchanged a speaking look. Hank’s words reminded them inadvertently of what a good team they made when they were training their first class team, and the veracity of their combined forces when they were taking down Shaw until it all went up in flames. They represented a formidable power when standing side by side, and somehow the years and Charles' accident couldn't dull that. Another factor had to be introduced, and it happened alright, in the most unexpected way possible.   
  
“So the attacks on our headquarters were all part of this.” Raven concluded, gesturing vaguely towards the box.   
  
Erik looked up from the file he was going through. “Someone is definitely planning something against the mutant population and that someone came after the Brotherhood because they know we won’t hesitate to use violence to stop them and probably win. So they tried to take us out but Charles warned us each time and that added him to the equation. In order for their plan to work they needed to get rid of us both.”   
  
Azazel pulled out another file and handed it to Charles. “They also knew when we were going to raid that facility. They moved the time of their attack on the mansion so we wouldn’t come across these files,” Azazel said, pointing Charles to a particular page. “Now it makes sense why the security at the facility was somewhat loose. They must have assumed that with Magneto in the Professor’s body we wouldn’t carry out the mission. It must have given then a false sense of security." Azazel added.   
  
Logan lit his cigar ignoring Charles’ pointed stare. “And now they know that we know. I suggest we move fast, starting with increasing security. We’ll need everyone from both teams on this,” he said puffing out smoke. “But first, Lehnsherr here,” Erik’s head snapped in his direction, “needs to find the mole in his team.”

* * *

Charles sat at his desk in the study, going through a file that he’d flopped open in his hands. He could feel Erik’s fixed gaze concentrated on him and he ignored it, opting to focus on his work. After a fashion though, that tactic proved to be ineffectual when Erik made his presence known by letting out a loud and impatient intake of breath, followed by the distinct sensation of his mind prodding at Charles’ shields.   
  
“Can I help you, Erik?” Charles asked feigning distraction. He was confident of his own shields’ integrity, enough that Erik wouldn't be able to break through them and that suited him just fine. Despite the need for Erik to master his powers, he didn’t want Erik to see how much pleasure he was gaining from the simple act of ignoring him.   
  
But it became clear though, that Erik had learnt more than he'd accounted for in the last day and a half. Instead of replying verbally, Erik focused on the fortress Charles had constructed to guard his mind, and mentally began to detach brick by intangible brick in an attempt to get in. It was clever, and a good tactic for an amateur, but it was no match for Charles. Even without control over his born powers he was still mentally stronger than Erik. To demonstrate this, he placed a canon at the weakest point of the shield which Erik had begun to pick at, and then felt the moment, as pleasure seeped through him, when Erik reared back in realization of what was blocking his path.   
  
“You don’t want that to blow in your face, my friend. Trust me, it’ll hurt,” Charles said with a smirk, still not looking up from the file.   
  
“Fine I get the point, but at least tell me what you’re thinking?” Erik asked, while still looking for a weak spot in his shield and Charles found his perseverance to be comforting. They just might have hope yet of finding the person who was responsible for this.   
  
“You’re the telepath now, Erik. Find out for yourself.”   
  
“Is that a challenge, Charles?” Erik countered with the same confidence that he boasted while playing chess, and so Charles knew that it went without saying the challenge had been accepted the moment those words left his lips.   
  
He looked up from the page he had been staring at blindly, and met Erik’s determined gaze with a smile. “Give it your best shot,” he drawled while leaning back in his chair, and then warned his friend loftily, “I have to warn you though, you might not like what you find.”   
  
“I’m sure I can handle whatever you throw at me,” Erik said with a confidence he didn’t entirely possess.   
  
“We’ll see about that,” Charles countered, and held up his hand and nodded as a signal for Erik to start.   
  
Clever would be the word Charles would use to describe Erik’s tactic as he began with digging in the ground in an attempt to get under Charles’ mental wall, but unfortunately for Erik it was all too easy to block- when the further down he went, the deeper the wall stretched into the ground. Knowing he was beat, Erik stopped digging and instead started to spread his conscious over the wall trying to reach the top, but that attempt met the same fate: Charles just kept stretching the wall until Erik gave up, knowing he couldn't outrun Charles' mental pace. Not be deterred, Erik next went to the door and tried to unscrew the hinges but Charles welded them so they wouldn’t budge, and then he tried to unlock the door, but he couldn’t find a key-hole or a handle.   
  
As Erik contemplated a new point of attack, Charles began to coach him like he had years ago, falling into the role of teacher that was second nature to him. “Relax, Erik. Focus or you’ll only give yourself a headache. This shield is built to withstand an experienced telepathic attack. It’s the kind of shield only a telepath would know how to build. You can’t break through by playing nice.”   
  
Erik was surprised. He had expected Charles to mock his attempts, rub it in his face that he couldn’t master his abilities as fast as Charles had managed to master his. He definitely didn’t expect actual advice, followed by genuine coaching, just like the Charles he knew from years ago.   
  
“But wouldn’t force--” Erik started to ask but couldn’t continue. He didn't want to push his luck.   
  
“Go on, Erik. What do you need to ask?”   
  
Erik hesitated for a second then conceded to Charles’ request. “Wouldn’t force hurt you?” He asked, his regret blatant to his own ears.   
  
Charles’ eyes betrayed nothing as a myriad of emotions suddenly ran through him, all peppered with anger. It would be ridiculous to conjure up their issues from the past when they were finally starting to go somewhere, so instead he questioned, focusing on what was important, “Are you worried about me or your own brain, my friend?” He teased, injecting humor into his tone.   
  
Erik could have easily lied but he chose not to. If they were ever going to move past the resentment that Charles held for him, then full transparency was needed, at least he believed Charles would appreciate his effort even if nothing else came of it.   
  
“I’m worried about you Charles, not me. I am in command of a genius mind that has limitless telepathic abilities. I have nothing to complain about,” Erik muttered thinking about the beach again,  and how he hadn’t even tried to help Charles and left him dying on the sand, but his guilt would have to go unspoken. He swallowed before continuing, needing composure when this topic was so difficult for both of them, “I don’t want to hurt you, because if I did then I might not know how to fix it, I might not know how to bring you back.”   
  
“Well that’s not going to happen because I’m here to teach you,” Charles assured Erik and tried not to show how much Erik’s words were affecting him. This time it wasn’t because of his barely contained anger, but because of what could have been between them as memories of their carefree days of training were still ripe in his mind.   
  
Erik nodded minutely then asked, “Shall we continue?”   
  
Charles smiled and said, “Please.”   
  
Erik didn’t need to be told twice. He began abruptly, wanting to catch Charles off guard and shot a small psionic pulse aimed at Charles' mental door. He watched with satisfaction as it crumbled only to have a canon fire in his face before the door materialized again. This time though, the door was thicker and adorned in pointed metal skewers protruding from its otherwise smooth surface.   
  
Erik gritted his teeth in determination as his competitive nature took over. He was far from giving up despite the pain that shot through his head upon the canon's firing. He was enjoying every moment of having Charles train him again- even the pain. It was inconsequential as he embraced that he was a telepath now, and it was exhilarating to be able to do what little he could with his new found abilities. He looked forward unlocking that door, and busting through all of Charles' shields. He could only imagine the shock that Charles would feel when Erik was finally through his precious wall, yet he speculated if the moment would really be as satisfying as he imagined. Despite what displeasure Charles might feel, Erik was looking forward to finally getting to be the one inside of his friend’s head for a change not to mention the side effect, that learning to use the full scale of his telepathy would help him understand Charles better. That was probably the only upside of the whole body swap: existing in Charles' head and using his brain in ways he never thought possible was an astounding experience for Erik.   
  
His next attempt was more aggressive. He released three consecutive psionic pulses and watched the first blow up the wall, while the second and third blew up the canons that had sprung up in his face. Charles was already rebuilding the wall when Erik hurriedly spread his consciousness inside before the gap closed again. He smiled as he saw the empty yard but before he could enjoy the small victory he found a maze rising from the ground and if that weren’t bad enough he found human-sized axes swinging at every entrance to the maze. He tried to time his access to one of the entries and jump in when the axe nearly nicked him. In vain he attempted to retreat but found the wall closing in on him. “What?” he snapped in surprise, then gritted his teeth when Charles chuckled.   
  
"You didn't think it was going to be that easy, did you, Erik?" Charles mocked him. Erik shook his head and then they fell silent. There was no going back. Erik started all over again knowing he had to learn now so he could fight beside Charles again, it was their only hope.

* * *

They kept at it for two hours. Both men were exhausted by the time they decided they had enough. But despite the exhaustion they were laughing by the end of the exercise.


	9. Loving Yourself

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Smut ensues.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you can't love yourself then who will...? Written in both POV
> 
> I have a very different style from Messy, so I tried to keep it somewhat similar in the beginning, but it crumbled in the end to my own writing style. And I just hope I did the body swap lovin' justice <3
> 
> Ps
> 
> Thanks Messy for being amazing. <3 <3

...

 

 

 

 

When Erik winced and reached for his back Charles sobered up. “Are you all right? Is your back cramping?” He asked as he moved over to Erik who could only nod. His lips were in a tight line and his teeth were grit against the blinding pain. 

 

“Come on. I can help,” Charles said as he moved behind Erik, and pushed the wheelchair out of the study.

 

They reached Erik’s room and Charles took him straight to his bed. As he settled Erik carefully against the sheet, a groan escaped Erik’s lips as his body coiled in pain. 

 

Charles knew what Erik was going through, and without even thinking he walked to the dresser and pulled out a bottle of massage oil, and returned to sit on the edge of the bed. “I should’ve known better. Sitting in the wheelchair for too long always causes my muscles to spasm,” He spoke apologetically, and then suggested while experiencing a sudden lapse of sanity, “A massage always helps. Do you mind?”

 

Erik replied by unbuttoning his cardigan and shirt, and Charles helped him out of them, and then slowly turned him over with the caring touch of a friend who knows the pain he's experienced... Although friend might be a stretch.    

 

Pouring some oil on his palm, Charles rubbed his hands together to warm the oil, and then hesitated...

 

“Go on, Charles. You’d only be touching yourself, and it's not like you haven't been doing it all your life.” Erik said in reassurance, but his wording caught them both off guard, making them laugh despite the awkwardness of the situation.

 

The massage started slowly as Charles began on the neediest areas, knowing full well where Erik needed it the most. He kneaded the muscles which had spasmed seconds earlier and Erik groaned in pain until they started to relax, and then he lost himself to the rhythmic sensation of Charles’ hands on his skin. 

 

Erik was near sleep when he asked Charles a dangerous question, like what he said in this isolated speck of time didn’t count given his drowsiness, “So, do you?” 

 

Charles’ eyes snapped to the back of Erik’s head. “Do I what?” he asked although he knew perfectly well what Erik was asking.

 

He felt Erik let out a gust of breath before continuing, “Do you touch yourself?”

 

Charles would much later question his reasoning for what he’d done, but in the moment he wasn’t thinking and just let go. He dropped his shields and let Erik in while he continued to massage, and in their compromising position it felt as if he were baring his soul. “I do. I still feel, thankfully. I'm sure some people don't know that in my-- our position not all feeling is lost, but it would be cruel if there wasn't the possibility of a normal life after an accident of my magnitude... if you want it that is.”

 

Charles hadn't intended sharing so much insight into his-- or again their situation, but he couldn't worry about being too personable. Secrets were moot now that Erik could feel the everlasting pain that he'd left Charles with... He speculated that this was Karma in effect, dealt out to make Erik suffer, but he found that unlikely. If it were he wouldn't be caught up in this twisted reality, like a pawn on a cosmic chessboard. No... he'd suffered enough for two lifetimes. He was nothing more than collateral damage left behind in Erik's wake. 

 

Charles was so lost in thought that what came next was as unexpected as that bullet to his spine. He was hit by Erik’s shameful interest buzzing at the edge of his senses. 

 

The silence stretched, and his hands finally stalled as he decided it was now or never. Erik needed to know the extent of his disability, and he didn’t know if another moment like this would arise, one where he would feel compassion for Erik.

 

“Not as much, but I do feel. It’s just not the same as before.” he began tentatively, and Erik was left trying to figure out what Charles meant. Even in Charles’ mind, it was difficult to sift through his thoughts. Emotions were clearer, so Erik focused on Charles’ feelings remembering their presence like an old acquaintance that he’d tried to forget, but had failed time and time again. 

 

“I’m sorry,” Erik spoke, and tried to push those emotions at Charles, yet not knowing if he was successful. 

 

“I know you are.” Charles whispered as he allowed Erik to bleed his pleas of forgiveness into his mind.

   
It was a familiar current that usually disgusted him, but experiencing Erik’s thoughts while they were in bed was too much of a temptation to resist. He was suddenly desperate to get some pleasure from the man, and smother the misery that he’d kept in check all these years past since their last meeting, when everything changed and he saw the hope at the end of the bleak tunnel. His students’ future and their safety became his purpose for living, yet that did nothing to mend his broken heart and in part, his sexual frustration. Charles would penetrate his numb body at night, seeking out the only place that still brought him sexual release, the place he knew Erik’s cock would stimulate. He always was a good lay, the best actually, and for more than just physical reasons. Charles looked down at the large tent in Erik’s pants, and the arousal that was clawing through his— or Erik’s body, and tried not to feel disgusted by the thought of… fucking himself.

 

“Will you tell me what you feel?” Erik asked Charles who sobered to reality, but perhaps his memories were a more welcoming home when he wanted Erik, and he was _Erik_. It was twisted, and left him bitter and so he didn’t hold back his response. He pushed his feelings of isolation and fear at his friend as he explained all that was stolen from him due to the accident.

 

“What I feel? You want to know how I get off— fine,” Charles huffed as he dug his fingers into Erik's skin. What followed was a flood of raw emotions into Erik’s mind, and he was choking momentarily on the suffocating sensation of Charles’ pain. There were images that he could barely make out, memories he realized Charles was reliving, but he was still so unseasoned that he couldn’t decipher anything that was being shared with him. He wished now more than ever that he could just get a better handle on Charles’ powers. He was desperate to finally know what Charles did after he left. 

 

Focusing on the greatest source of Charles’ anguish, an image began to come into focus. It was Charles crying while he lay in this very bed, as his body spasmed in agonizing pain while he held an empty bottle of Jack Daniels against his lips. A phantom smash echoed in his ears, and it was the bottle hitting the wall as Charles’ body fought to adjust after his accident. The nerves burning like fire in his injured back, but it wasn’t just physical pain he was experiencing, there was also the emotional as Charles fought to work through the fall out after the two most important people in his life abandoned him heartlessly, leaving him to go through all of this alone.

 

Erik wanted to say something, but he dreaded that Charles would leave him, and the fear of being alone was greater than his trepidation of what was still to come in Charles’ thoughts. The voice of a man drew his attention next, and he gathered it was Charles’ doctor speaking as the memory was pushed at him forcefully, so this time it was easier for Erik to hold onto the intangible edges.

 

_‘That was our last option. This is the most you will recover Mr. Xavier, we did all we could.'_

 

The clinical tone echoed through his mind, and then the image shifted to Charles looking down at a number of pamphlets, humiliated by whatever was printed on them. Erik could feel his humiliation like it was his own, and he saw the paper through his unfocused vision, yet it wasn’t a victory that he was getting better with Charles’ powers when these moments he was thrown into were ones he ones he'd rather not relive, even if he deserved it.

 

_'…you won’t experience erections as we discussed last time we met, but you will still be able to ejaculate through prostate stimulation, and in many patients this experience can be pleasurable, instead of just an emotional release.'_

 

 _'Emotional?'_  

 

Erik heard Charles ask quietly, and the doctor was pensive as he responded.

 

_'You will still have a libido Mr. Xavier, so you might feel tense and the same psychological results of not ejaculating if you did regularly up until the accident. Some patients choose to release their frustration by ejaculating like they had before. I can’t make any promises unfortunately, and until you’re back is healed you won’t know for certain if you will experience physical pleasure during these sessions, but it’s something to discuss with future... partners.'_

 

The doctor said uncomfortably, and then the scene was fading, and he couldn’t deny his memories of making love with Charles then, like a Pavlovian response. They drifted freely, and Charles could feel them. Erik wasn’t skilled enough to stop them from becoming as vivid from overuse as they were, but it was unavoidable when he thought so much about their time together.

 

They were kissing as he thrust into Charles slowly while their minds were fused like they are now, but instead of regret leaking through their link, love and pleasure bled through unadulterated in a way Erik had never experienced with anyone. He longed to go back to that day just to be truly happy again, and he heard Charles let out a small gasp above him... and he almost didn’t believe it when an echoing longing throbbed through his mind

 

“I remember that night,” Charles said quietly, and Erik couldn’t stay still. He turned, craning his neck so he was looking into Charles’ eyes and they welling with emotion— yet it wasn't Charles he was looking at, and Erik blinked slowly feeling rattled, yet he didn't look away.

 

“But I--” Charles spoke again, voice shaking, and then went on licking his lips, “I liked this night a little better.” Erik knew his gaze was strained as a memory began to take form— He remembered the night well. It would have been impossible to forget Charles fucking him after he bent Erik over his usual chair in the study, knocking over the chessboard in the process, causing the pieces scatter across floor.

 

“I guess we both have our favourites.” He croaked, needing to distract himself from Charles. His body was heating rapidly with desire, leaving his skin over sensitized where Charles’ fingers were splayed on his back. It was better than any simple caress he could remember and he focused on that touch using it as an anchor, because the rest of his skin was just as sensitive he realized his nipples were tight and aching for attention, and his neck shivered with untapped pleasure, hinting that the touch of lips and tongue would be appreciated. And yet, like sun spots interfering with the void of numbness, he could feel pleasure in his groin through their link, and he thought with hope they could... relive some of those memories they’d just shared.

 

 _Yeah, only if we were out of our minds!_  He thought in a manic denial of what he wanted from Charles. “I am— we are if you haven’t already noticed— out of our minds...” Charles whispered, and Erik was frozen like he’d been caught naked, and he wondered if they could. He didn’t think he had a choice though, when he felt Charles’ desperation and need overlaying his own thoughts, and for once Erik wanted the same thing and he wasn’t going to argue about it.

 

He reached up and caught Charles by the back of his neck, and crushed their lips together in a kiss that Erik never imagined would happen— and with such hunger from Charles. He sucked in the soft flesh of Erik’s lip, teasing his tongue between the crease, and he met it eagerly and slid their tongues together, wanting all of Charles’ mouth, and yet as hungry as he was it proved harder than he expected to commit when every part of his body that wasn’t aroused was telling him how wrong this really was.

 

Shuddering, they broke apart after a moment passed, and Charles didn’t know what he was doing. Was he really this desperate? He gazed into his own eyes and found that yes, he was, when he saw that it was Erik looking back at him. There was no mistaking the other man’s presence.

 

“It’s not that bad,” Charles breathed, and Erik nodded knowing he couldn’t pass up this chance. There was a charge between them like the electricity in the air before a storm, and they both gave in with that spoken affirmation. Erik took Charles’ mouth, crushing their lips together awkwardly as their teeth clicked, but Charles didn’t wait for the position to improve—his tongue slid into Erik’s mouth without warning, yet that was how it worked between them best-- spontaneous and passionate, like Charles plunging into the freezing sea to rescue Erik…

 

The contact jolted through him, surprising Erik who hadn’t anticipated Charles’ passion as he feasted on his plush mouth, and he would have been a fool to argue as they flicked tongues, licking each other fervently in the gap where they couldn’t quite seal their lips— but it was perfect because it was Charles, and that’s why it was so infuriating as Erik slid his mouth away, gasping in pain as his neck pinched. He growled against the bed and drifted his echoes of discomfort at Charles, and in return large hands landed on his shoulders possessively.

 

“I’ll help you roll over.” He whispered urgently, and Erik felt it too. They couldn’t stop to think or they might just stop all together, and then where would that leave them? He didn’t want to find out when Charles tried to kill him already, but Erik wasn’t making apologies for them— it was an inevitable outcome when they were fighting the same evil together again.

 

Erik began to turn and Charles manhandled him the rest of the way, albeit gently, but it was clear Charles was driven to get them in a position where they could kiss without anything hindering their progress, and yet Charles slowed to run his hand gently up his own thigh as he settled his legs on the bed. He knew that Erik had to be comfortable so they could do this without pain becoming a factor, and he was about to tell Erik to stop if he was in discomfort again, when Erik grabbed his shoulders and pulled him so he was forced to stretch out on the bed. He gasped as excitement kick started his heart, and he didn’t expect so feel so invested in going through with this…

 

But for Erik, he was already past the point of doubt, and knew this would have been perfect if his sensation didn’t fade at his groin as Charles slotted against his side. Their skin was caressing from their hips, to their elbows, and below, and Erik yearned to feel in the one place he needed the most… yet he knew fully this was the reality of Charles’ life, and would continue to be after Erik was gone, and continuing on his separate path after he was returned to his body.

 

Erik’s guilt lost its appeal quickly as Charles cradled his neck, and pulled him so their lips were hovering, almost touching, and all he could think was that he wanted Charles’ sweater gone as he pushed forward and knocked their teeth together again in his eagerness, and dipped his tongue past Charles’ parted lips— Erik tangled them up in a kiss that shook through his body, and he grabbed Charles’ collar, pulling on the fabric wanting it off, but he couldn’t stop kissing Charles as they fell headfirst into a world of passion that Charles was succumbing too. He needed to feed that hunger that compelled them to do this. It was written in their thoughts that were pulsing in the same lustful dance he’d been addicted to in the beginning of their friendship. He kissed Erik with unbridled lust, as he gripped Erik’s hair and his hip—tight enough that he was probably going to leave bruises, yet he figured it wouldn’t make a difference. It would just add to the ones he’d already given him; those dark shadows on his arm and wrist, and god knows where else. Charles brushed those memories aside; he had to or chance his angering returning, or worse, remorse, and he really didn’t want to feel either of those emotions at the moment. All he wanted to feel was lust and pleasure, and savour the ball of energy their minds produced as they joined together as one.  

 

Knowing that in some way he wanted this more, Erik tugged on Charles’ shoulder and urged him to straddle his body while sending the image of them embracing while nude— and Charles tore his mouth away with a wild expression in his eyes. They were frozen with their lips brushing again, and they shared a lingering look that wasn’t necessary Charles thought, but he was taken by his own expression of lust... He closed his eyes and covered Erik, pinning him against the bed.

 

It was impossible for Erik to ignore that they weren’t quite themselves, and he had to adjust to the feeling of helplessness while trapped in Charles’ stout stature. Having a large body resting over his own was like nothing Erik had ever experienced, yet the stark reality of their situation would have been more disconcerting if Charles’ tongue hadn’t slid deep into Erik’s mouth when he’d settled, like it didn’t matter that he was numb below the hips— or anything else outside of the bedroom as long as they were kissing. Erik stifled the compulsion to fixate on that loss and instead focused on Charles’ mind, his echoed feelings of desire were like an anchor demanding his participation, and he embraced all that he could from Charles, and it was intoxicating.

 

Pleasure shivered through him as they kissed— wet and hot, both needing this more than they should, and Erik wrapped his arms around Charles’ shoulders and bit into the kiss, wanting to lose himself in something so good when he'd lacked anything as decent as Charles in his life for so many years… There was nothing to do after that but submit to the tide of their abandon as they kept licking wetly, and suckling each other’s flesh as they struggled to breathe, and when they couldn’t take it any longer they'd dragged in laborious breaths, and then fall back into their session with stifled moans, entering into a slow and passionate rhythm, deep and hot, and unimaginable. It shuddered through Erik guts, and ached in Charles’ cock and they crested in the same moment of shared pleasure, and with that their ardour would bubble over from their desperation, ending with them devouring each other like they’d never get this chance again.

 

There was a part of Charles that had risen from the ashes as he plundered Erik’s mouth, and focused on how hard his cock was, and how greedy he felt finally getting to touch and kiss again—and his excitement was only growing as Erik pulled on Charles’ back wanting him closer, but all that did was help his sensitive skin to rub against the soft cotton of Charles’ shirt, proving his nipples were a definite area in need of attention. He guessed he was broadcasting that loudly, because Charles started to think about licking over Erik’s soft flesh and sucking on his nipples, and Erik’s arousal spiked shooting to his dick that was straining in his pants, but he knew it was Charles' pleasure… and surprisingly he was fine with that. Erik didn’t really care now how this was going to end when he could experience all of Charles' sensations, and he still had his own… His skin was hot and tight, and his nipples were aching. Charles felt that burning over his own skin and he wanted to lick away that aching need— and he could now that he was in Erik’s body.

 

He knew all too well about that hot and tight hunger that shivered over his skin yearning for release, and he could do that for Erik, not him,  _Erik.._.

 

In the recesses of his mind that Charles knew to keep apart from Erik it was a relief to not be him right now. He wasn’t paralyzed, and his dick was hard for the first time in years without having to shoot himself up, and he wanted to fuck— even if it was himself he was going to be fucking... Regardless he needed to feel the supple flesh of a body kissing, and tugging his dick until he came, and for it be more than just a memory he was re-living as he struggled to pleasure himself while he was alone...

 

Charles pulled away, and Erik fisted the front of his shirt like he was going to try to end this, “Charles?” He croaked, and he looked over to the door thinking that Charles should stay here and lock the door in case the unimaginable happened and someone actually came in and caught them in the act.

 

“I’ll lock the door and turn off the light,” Charles whispered as Erik thrust that order at him with more shame then he probably realized, but he didn’t want anyone to know about this either. He used Erik’s powers and the lock snicked shut, and the lights went out.

 

Sucking in a ragged breath, Charles broke eye contact, and then bent over Erik’s chest and stole his tongue out so he could tease his own nipples, and adrenaline coursed through him from just how wrong this was. It was a thrill he’d missed, pleasing a partner, and especially Erik, and so Charles didn’t falter as he lapped up the tender flesh. He knew how good it felt even before pleasure sparked through his body, and Erik let out a grunt of surprise causing a deep and filthy satisfaction to fill him…

 

Erik just hoped no one was around wildly— he couldn’t hold back when Charles suckled on the firm peak pulling a broken moan from him... He sounded so desperate, yet for Charles hearing his own voice in that depraved tone was almost orgasmic in its own way. He knew it was twisted, but he felt like he deserved to finally get off after suffering for years in a paralyzed state, and with Erik no less. It was still his body after all… and now that he had the use of a very agreeable cock, one of which he was quite fond of— he saw no downside to giving himself a good time. It might be his only chance for a while considering the situation.

 

He went on mindlessly licking over the delicate peak as pleasure flowed through him like a river that had washed over its banks— drenching Charles. It was better than he would ever admit even to Erik… as he sucked on his nipple like he was starved, and felt vindicated as he scraped his teeth over the nub causing Erik to hiss and grab his head, as his shock echoed between them.

 

That burst of surprise still made an impact, and Charles sat back not knowing if he’d crossed a line. Erik was staring at him like he’d taken them to uncharted waters when they’d both wanted him to do it. And it was true, Erik couldn’t deny he’d been begging for it in his mind— and for Charles that was all the reasoning he needed to begin this, but now...

 

“So, we’re doing this?” Erik asked, as surprise illuminated his thought, instead of derision... That had been better than any foreplay he’d ever had, well above the waist that is.

 

“Yes Erik, isn’t this what you wanted? You’re the one who kissed me.” Charles hushed in an accusatory tone, his frustration building.

 

“I… I guess I did.” Erik agreed and looked at the familiar shadowed face, as Charles’ mind overlaid whom he was really looking at.

 

With Charles’ powers a mind was like a second face, and he saw Charles’ desire like an angry presence looming between them. That anger came with images of Charles alone, and devoid of pleasure and love, as he yearned for the memory of them in bed, and with that Erik’s feigned apprehension dispersed like fluttering birds, and his consuming hunger returned as his fingers tightened on Charles’ back, digging into his skin and urging him down. He fell and his lips landed on shivering, erect nub— and Charles licked his neglected nipple again, and ground against a numb leg remembering he could do that now. It didn’t take a lot for Charles to feel that ball-tingling pleasure he’d missed so desperately— that he was almost sobbing while he made love to his own tender peak of nerves that sparked unintentionally with pain when he sucked too roughly.

 

It proved he was finally unhinged when he lost all guilt, but it was too late to do anything for him now… He was beyond salvation, and Erik was there right beside him as he sucked in a ragged breath through his nose, and Charles took the pink little nub; the honey brown ring and all between his lips, and bathed the peak until Erik was gasping and pushing up against his mouth—

 

He threw his head back as fire ran up his neck where the skin was just as tender and waiting for the ministration of tongue, and teeth, and flutters of excitement, and delight were shaking through his guts, and down into his cock… although he couldn't feel his own.

 

“This is what you feel?” Erik gasped and Charles left his nipple to rest his cheek against skin of his chest, as Erik settled his fingers weakly in his hair. They were both catching their breath, and Charles closed his eyes and focused on their arousal that flowed through them like it was running through a sewer grate. He shook his head against the damp skin, resisting the urge to drop a kiss there... like he would to a lover.

 

“It’s because of the accident, due to the paralysis, that’s where I feel the most sensation. But you feel me don’t you? Your—or my cock.” He faltered as he pushed himself away from Erik and looked into his dark eyes.

 

“Yes, like it used to be Charles.” Erik said wistfully, like they might have that again.

  
“ _Like it used to be_.” Charles parroted as he laughed in a manic bark, because things were never going to be how they used to be. They were mixed up in so many ways he didn’t think they’d ever be right again.

 

Erik experienced Charles’ incredulity at his response, but he dismissed it as he reached for Charles’ sweater and went to pull it off. He felt the sudden spike of desire from Charles who sat back, and skinned it off, unveiling Erik’s body— And while his back was arched and his arms were above his head, Erik reached for the waist of his pants, and began to undo the button, knowing what was waiting for him beyond the thin barrier of fabric.

 

Dropping his sweater on the ground, Charles reached down and batted Erik away, wanting to do the honors. A sigh of frustration left Charles as his cock throbbed, straining in the tight material of Erik’s pants, and he popped the button out of the eye roughly, needing them off. He could feel the difference of having Erik’s girth and remembered what it looked like, but their shared memories weren’t enough and he needed to see that cock again. It was always a pleasant sight for him, because nothing bad ever happened while they were fucking. It was always hot, and desperate— and Charles needed to have that again.

  
Charles climbed off Erik, and a shared sensation of relief hit Erik as Charles pulled down his pants, yet his body cast a shadow over his groin as he bent blocking the sight of his cock. As Charles stepped out of his fallen pants and his shoes, Erik forgot about his own state of half undress as he waited for Charles to stand so he could see himself... like proof his own body was still tangible, and not just a memory like so much between them.

 

Charles straightened, and the cool of the room hit his hot skin, but it was a relief when he was burning up with a desire fed by Erik who was urging him on. Charles noticed that Erik wasn’t meeting his gaze, and words weren’t necessary for him to know why.

 

Erik stared at his hard cock straining away from his solid frame… It didn’t sicken him like he expected, no it just made Erik long to be back in his own skin, but there was nothing he could about that; so he looked away and down at his own body— Charles’ body as he remembered he wasn’t naked yet... His pants were undone, and he thought it was best that he got them off so they could get on with it... fucking…

 

He began to tug them ineffectively down his waist, his hips and legs a dead weight to work around, but he didn’t feel as much urgency when his cock wasn’t a participant in whatever he wanted to call this. A reunion? The intimate one that they’d both wanted, but it had been a precarious road that lead them to this point, and there was nothing to lament over.

 

“Let me—” Charles insisted, looking at Erik tugging at the fabric, and he knew how frustrating it was to get undressed when time was a factor. Being paralyzed takes patience and right now Charles didn’t have any to save his life.

 

He landed his hands on the folded fabric of Erik's unzipped fly, and moved one large palm under the curve of Erik’s spine, so he could lift him enough that he could work the pants down his hips easily...

 

Grasping Charles’ shoulder, Charles efficiently stripped his pants down his thighs, and the entire time Erik felt nothing. He had the creeping sensation that he wasn’t going to enjoy this despite the memory Charles showed him, but it didn’t matter... Charles was hard and he could feel it, and he reached out needing the assurance that his own body still worked. Erik squeezed his straining erection as a small moan left his lips. It throbbed in his fingers and he stroked his cock slowly knowing what felt best, knowing how to get himself off, and Charles let out a small moan of his own as Erik swiped his finger gently under his crown, and it echoed through Erik and into his flaccid cock.

 

Spurred on by excitement, Erik tightened his fingers and it hit Charles harder than Erik anticipated, He almost buckled over when Erik began to tease his crown, fucking the circle of his fingers over his cock head that was wet from his excitement, and he’d missed this— having a lover pleasure him... A bitterness bubbled in his throat when he looked at his own body’s flaccid cock. No amount of pleasure would make him hard, and he felt the hunger tearing through him to come with a cock that worked—

 

Charles pulled away from Erik’s grasp and tore his pants, and boxers down his numb legs, leaving Erik finally naked. His eyes traveled over his soft naked form, over his pale skin, and soft cock, and he finally paused gazing at Erik’s aroused face that was locked on the sight of a stiff cock again— and Erik reached out without hesitation and began teasing himself expertly again, unable to leave himself alone.

 

It was maddeningly hot somehow, Charles knowing Erik was pleasuring himself, and he jerked his head, feeling this conflicted spike that was telling him this shouldn’t feel so hot, but god if it did. Erik rolled the skin up so it was gliding over his flared crown that was weeping pre-cum, and a moan drifted from Charles in his own deep masculine voice… He swallowed feeling his face burn, but his embarrassment didn’t get a chance to morph into doubt, because Charles was getting onto the bed.

 

Settling over his body again, he wrapped Erik up in his arms, and ran hands ran carefully over his skin and it was unnecessary tenderness, but something's couldn't be helped, like the memory of a dutiful lover that his body retained… His worries drifted away then... They were finally naked in all ways with one another again after so many years, and Charles was caught up in the landslide that was washing away his resentment.

 

He rested his face in the crook of Erik’s neck, and he squeezed his eyes so tight it hurt for a moment as their minds caressed with relief. It was like finding each other in the smoke of a battleground after fearing the worst, and Erik wished he was him, and Charles was Charles again, because he loved this man for his generosity, his hopefulness, his ability to accept Erik after knowing how much wrong he's done, yet over all, he loved his body and kissing his plush lips, and his dark hair, and gazing into his beautiful eyes. Erik imagined that it was Charles resting over him, and he was lying under his lover’s lighter body, and Charles responded by joining in on the fantasy, and somehow they transformed into their old selves as reality dropped away, and he was holding his Charles again, and they kiss languidly like they were picking up where they left off before everything fell to ruin...

They weren’t gentle though as they feasted on each other's mouths, as their lust and desperation bled through their minds like free flowing water, as the grate that blocked the intangible drifting of their combined consciousness was removed. Charles wasn't in control of his impulses as he began grinding against Erik, entangling them deeper in this carnal spiral that was rapidly getting out of hand— but they both wanted it. It was skin against skin, sweat, and fluid from his drooling cock that was sliding over Erik's flesh, and the anticipation of the final cut that they both craved, to finally fuck again— was as alive as their perversion.

Charles gentled their kiss, sucking Erik's fat bottom lip into his mouth, and he felt the inversion of his lips against Erik's through their connection, and remembered how hot it was to get his teeth on his skin while they were lost in the act, and now it wouldn’t just be Erik’s skin he’d be biting... His neck was a hot spot that ached for attention, and he trailed his lips along skin as his mouth began to water. Planting his teeth, he dragged them along his pale plane as he ground his cock against Erik’s soft one, but that was inconsequential when pleasure spiked through them, and Erik moaned, and rolled his head to the side exposing more of his neck to Charles— He went at the pale flesh, sucking and kissing, trailing his tongue lightly before nipping goose pimpled skim, and Erik pulled him closer as his whole body trembled. Currents of intoxicating sensation cascaded from the spot Charles was worrying, coiling through his guts and he considered that once he was back in his own body, he could do this to Charles, but he couldn’t think of that now, or believe it as Charles went on mouthing, and lapping down his neck as their minds throbbed together.

 

Charles was so aroused his whole body was burning up and his cock was aching, and he couldn’t take the excitement— and Erik was wrapped up in that sensation as it ached through him in crescendos of pleasure. It didn’t matter at this point which body they were inhabiting when they were connected, and so everything was hotter, unlike anything Erik’s had with anyone— only Charles, and when his once lover racked his teeth hard over his worried skin, just because it felt so damn good, Erik let out a strangled moan through his teeth, trying to muffle it.

 

“Charles…” He rasped, and Charles lifted his lips and his eyes were glazed over like he was drugged.

 

"Yes?" Charles rasped, and Erik couldn't say anything, and closed his eyes. They both wanted to come, but Erik knew he couldn’t under his volition, so it was up to Charles...

 

Noticing Erik's hesitance Charles went to question what they should do next, when he remembered who he was— or whose body he was in, and felt a flame of victory— and Erik began sifting through Charles' memories, (or the ones he could access the easiest, which were all sex related) to know how they were going to do this in his disabled form, and also to see if Charles’ persuasions had changed after so many years, yet when he looked there was nothing there but an echo of their past. Charles hadn’t had sex since the accident.

 

Guilt threatened to consume Erik, and in response he urged Charles to take control with a push in their minds.

 

Charles reacted so quickly, Erik was thrown off kilter as a hand ran over his thigh, and Charles took his straining cock and the softness of Erik’s penis in his palm, and Charles cursed in pleasure from the sensation of his arousal thick in his hand.

 

Conceptually he knew he was the hard one, but tactile proof was always nice to convince himself that he wasn’t just mad and this was all a hallucination... Though he had more faith in himself that his madness would consist of a more desirable scenario... It didn’t genuinely bother Charles that he was soft because this was his life, but Erik dug his fingers into Charles’ skin as he felt his own long fingers through their link touching his flaccid erection, and the distant sensation of alarm teased at the edge of his senses. Charles began stroking Erik’s shoulder soothingly as he gentled the kiss, sending a wave of reassurance to Erik, who realized his body was taut with strain, and he relaxed as Charles’ calming thoughts washed over him, and he reached for his own cock, truly needing this.

 

Heat warmed his skin before fingers wrapped around his cock, and Charles pushed into their palms, moaning when shivers of pleasure quaked through his legs. Erik gasped at his girth being squeezed by both their hand, and it was perfect... It was both of them doing this together… He concentrated on Charles rutting in their hands, and noted how much smaller his hands were now that he was in the mans body, and then batted the other hand away, greedy to be the one controlling this. Erik touched himself slowly as he pushed away any nagging differences. He didn’t want to analyze why it was a comfort to be touching his own hard cock, and he twisted his wrist on his fat tip from habit, and Charles let out a whimper as Erik’s body throbbed in the fallout.

 

“You’re good at that.” Charles whispered, as some amusement twined through his mind, and Erik looked over at Charles. His mouth was quirked at the side and mischief was in his eyes, and it was an altogether Charles expression as he felt Charles’ essence reflected between them.

 

“I should hope so,” Erik countered, as he squeezed his cock again and watched Charles’ eyes flutter as a quiet moan left him.

Erik remembered that same reaction from Charles as he’d suck and prep him before they'd fuck, when Erik was greedy to have all of Charles either in his hands, or in his mouth, or around his cock. It sent his pulse speeding just as it had all those years ago, and Erik leaned over and kissed Charles as he brought them together as tightly as he could with the strength in his arms and torso, and he felt that same excitement. He tugged his cock, slow and tight the way that he would when he was teasing himself, and Charles’ tongue licked over his teeth, and the top of his mouth before tangling them up in a nasty kiss, and Erik let out a growl of frustration as he bit into Charles’ mouth. He wanted so much from Charles, as he rolled his own hot cock, taking the time to squeeze and tease the sensitive skin of his glands, building the pleasure that was already burning through them as his swollen girth got even more sticky from his pre-come. He smeared it around his crown slowly, and another shudder wracked through— Erik looked down, intending to admire at his cock in his hand, but his sight was drawn to Charles' flaccid member between his own legs, while the man in question tugged on it slowly like with perseverance the life might come back into the poor soul.

 

It troubled Erik looking at this uninspired sight, and he guessed he must have broadcasted his distress louder than he intended, because Charles whispered against his lips, as he cupped his cheek— “It’s normal.”

 

Nodding against the pillows, guilt bit at him, but it was soothed by the taste of Charles on his tongue, yet Erik grasped the back of Charles’ neck and pushed him away. He was tired of waiting for something that he never thought he would have, and their kissing was pushing him to the edge.

 

“Are we going to do this?” Erik grunted impatiently.

Charles nodded before he rested his forehead against Erik’s, and he closed his eyes as he saw Charles in his mind, working his greased up fingers into his hole, pushing them in slowly so he could fit... and Erik moaned deep in his throat.

 

“If you want to, Erik.” Charles said calmly nevertheless, and Erik let out an annoyed grunt at all of the hesitating. Charles was clearly trying to torture him to get pay back he presumed, but Charles had been making him pay since this damn swap happened, and if he got up and left, that would be the biggest punishment of all.

 

And Charles had a similar reaction as the smile tugging his mouth diminished. He felt Erik’s trepidation shadow the question, and for a moment he thought that Erik was going to back out.

  

“Maybe I shouldn’t have asked that?” He said pragmatically, or it sounded that way spoken in Erik’s tone.

 

“Yes, It’s probably better if we don’t talk, and get on with it— now,” Erik whispered, and in a spur of movement, Charles grabbed Erik’s shoulder knowing what he needed to do next.

 

This wouldn’t be any different than past sex with Erik, but this time he had to be careful, more careful than someone else, who wasn’t him would understand.

 

“I need you to roll over, and put a pillow— or all of them actually under your hips.” Charles instructed, and Erik saw an image in Charles’ mind of what he wanted. He looked at his place in the middle of the bed and nodded knowing how this was going to work.

 

He began to shuffle away to the side of the bed, and Charles helped him, moving his legs over as Erik reached for the pillows after there was enough space— and he left them in an uneven pile where he was going to end up.

 

“Good... It’s better if you’re on the pillows, so you’re propped up and stabilized.” Charles intoned quietly, and Erik didn’t need explanation when he knew he couldn’t trust his knees for support.  
  
Nodding to himself, Charles returned to the pillows and began fluffing them, and adjusting them so they were just so, and he smoothed his hand over the white cotton as he regarded the pile. “I need you over here.” Charles mumbled.

 

“I think that’s obvious.” Erik drawled as he felt Charles’ need pushing at the border of their consciousness, and it was a comforting reminder when he was out of his depth.

 

What happened next took more patience than either of them wanted to expel, as Charles aided with moving his legs, and Erik shifted over until he was at the edge of the pillows and then they both rolled Erik so his groin was resting on the stack, with his white arse propped up in the air, like an exhibit on display.

 

Erik craned his neck, looking over his shoulder at Charles who was looking down at his own arse as he rubbed a hand over his mouth, and when he caught Erik looking he ranged over his back and caught his mouth in an urgent kiss.

 

It was better than having nothing to occupy the time in-between prepping, and fucking, and Erik fell into the kiss wishing that he’d prepared himself earlier, but the possibility of this actually happening had never equated in his mind.

 

There must be lube he wondered, and Charles received that thought, and visualized his side table where he kept a bottle of K-Y he got Hank to buy for him.

 

Erik rested his cheek on the bed as Charles plucked the unused foil tube from his hand. Charles thought absently after that he could have just used his powers to open the drawer and float over the tube, but he wasn’t thinking right now, at least about Erik’s powers.

 

Coating his fingers he rested over Erik, kissing his nape, and began to tease his fingers between Erik's cheeks by touch alone, grazing them over his hole as he imagined pushing his fingers into Erik’s real body... It was enough to keep their passion alive and throbbing between them, and Charles rubbed his dripping cock over a soft leg so shivers of pleasure filled them both.

 

Erik alone needed to feel that aching physical reminder as finger pushed into him; the echoes of flesh surrounding Charles’ digits gracing his thoughts, yet he knew sensation would be absent until the promised response from his prostate was rectified, once Charles got his cock in there, and he wanted it **now**.

 

Still, it took longer than Erik remembered to loosen him, enough so Charles was satisfied, but they were spurred on by the knowledge they’d soon be fucking again… and Erik waited, trusting Charles in this when he’d failed to trust him in all other avenues of their sordid past together.

 

Charles was in the same place: he had three fingers deep inside of Erik, and he bit Erik’s neck as he pushed them in slowly, while wondering if Erik felt anything yet. With them connected like this it was hard to separate pleasure at times when one person's was so faint.

 

“Do you feel it?” Charles hushed as he rubbed over the little ball of nerves within, and Erik sighed out trying to distance himself from Charles’ mind so he could focus.

 

It was faint, but it was growing as Charles milked his prostate, and he felt the beginning ebbs of warmth, like a light mist of rain when you know a storm is coming and you're so tired of the heat that you need it…

 

“I feel it.” Erik whispered, and Charles’ cock jerked in response and he had to squeeze himself as a moan drifted from his lips…

 

Pushing himself up onto his knees, Erik’s anxious tinges tugged at his mind as Charles positioned his straining flesh between tight cheeks and he knew this would change them forever, yet somehow he felt that wasn’t entirely a negative.

 

“I’m going to start.” Charles warned, and Erik was ready for this, he wanted it so bad...  
  
“Do it!” He hissed, and Charles pulled his cheeks to the side, and rubbed his cock against his slick hole, and the breath was expelled from the man under him.

 

Charles watched his cock get swallowed slowly, as he dug his fingers into the skin of Erik’s arse. The hot sleeve of his body was heavenly as he slowly inched his way in and Erik was thrown into a world of abstract pleasure as he experienced his cock getting encased by all that wet, and tight heat— and with Charles’ mind entwined with his own, and his cock sliding into his past lovers' body, it was easy to pretend that he was fucking Charles again. But then again... with his face pressed into the bed as the bottom in their twisted fantasy, he couldn’t deny he was the one taking it... Though it could be said Erik never had a problem being flexible in bed, the rest of his life was another matter entirely...

 

Charles on the other hand didn’t have a problem in the slightest. He’d missed this more than he could put into words, and he closed his eyes, and rested his face against Erik’s back as he pushed all the way in until his ball’s touched smooth flesh and he felt his eyes burning from his pent up emotion. 

 

Erik felt Charles crumbling, but it was secondary when they were fully connecting in all ways: mentally, and physically, and he hadn’t known what to expect, but not this… He was fearful at moments leading up to the inevitable, but he hadn't expected such abandon as they fused in the chasm of Charles’ mind and he was smashed by the waves of pent up emotion when Charles pulled out slowly, and then thrust in with his whole weight— Erik let out a unbridled moan when toe curling pleasure tore through him, and it didn’t end. He thought Charles would go slowly, but that thought was drowned out as Charles kept thrusting hard into Erik, while letting out strangled grunts against his neck.

 

“I missed you,” Charles couldn’t hold back his sentiment as he bottomed out in the burning grasp of his lover, rutting into him with an animistic pleasure, stripped down to his base essentials.

 

 _I want to believe that_ , Erik thought, but his doubt didn’t bitter his desire as he focused on Charles’ palpable high, and it kept swelling as he pounded bliss into them— And Charles couldn’t have stopped if the whole household burst in on them, as he snapped his hips, plowing deep into Erik, as the whole bed was rattling and their bodies were seized by the building tension— Charles felt like he was going to lose it already, but he couldn’t stay away from temptation of bringing even more passion into their heated moment. He worked his hand under Erik’s chest and squeezed one of his nipples and Erik let out a moan as splinters of almost painful euphoria coursed through him, causing Charles to let out a strangled groan as he slammed into Erik roughly, filling their ears with the stings of their smacking skin. Charles kept teasing his already swollen nipples, as he willed his cock to hold back the load it wanted to empty in Erik. It was a wild compulsion to resist, but Charles did his best as he slowed his hips and pumped into Erik shallowly, while the sounds of their skin slapping died away; only to be replaced by their labored breaths.

 

Erik rolled his face against the sheet as he was drifting in a raw indulgent state, and he felt breath first on his cheek, and then Charles’ mouth sliding over his, and he let out a whimper as he licked over Charles’ tongue hungrily, sucking on his hot tongue as he kissed, gasping against lips as Charles thrust into him with an abrupt jerk like he couldn’t stop himself.

 

Charles was finding it hard to not plow into Erik. The sloppy sound of his cock getting striped by the heat of his hole was countered by the wet laving of their tongues, and small moans left Erik and he could feel Erik’s pleasure— his prostate throbbing every time his cock bottomed out, as shudders of delight stole over his skin and he jabbed in hard as a helpless moan was forced out of Erik. Charles did it again, slamming hard into Erik, and a toe curling bliss sliced through him like a lightning strike— all the way from his cock to his balls, and inside of him where he was fucking Erik and it felt, well it felt like he was getting serviced by some phantom partner who was slamming into his _own_ hole, and he almost lost it there as his arse burned with almost unbearable pleasure, flaming from his prostate.

Charles let out a strangled growl, and Erik saw red sparks on his vision before the kiss was broken, and Charles rested his mouth against Erik’s neck, mouthing his skin as he picked up the pace again and went on mindlessly thrusting into Erik.

 

Looping their arms together against Erik’s chest, Charles trapped them like this so Erik wouldn’t be jarred by the force of his fucking— and they both knew this was fated to end when there was just too much good smoldering between them— His cock was getting stripped relentlessly as he buried his cock in Erik, as the sting of their skin was deafening again, and the breath was getting forced out of the man under him, but Erik was deaf to his depraved keening as rapture was rendering him a useless shell. That cock was grinding furiously inside of him, jabbing the place he’d doubted existed, but he couldn’t even remember who he was now as their minds— and their souls perhaps, drifted from their adopted, to their true forms, and Charles’ cock was aching to blow. The wet sleeve of Erik’s body sucked him in, stripping out his cum, and he let out a wild guttural moan as he erupted finally without warning, taking both of them by surprise— His bliss blinded him, with cascading sparks of colour over his vision, and he tasted his release it was so powerful and appreciated. He’d never wanted to cum so badly, or fuck someone so passionately in his life, but those thoughts would come later as the racks of euphoria held him prisoner, as his cock kept shooting inside of Erik— his long and steel hard cock that was spitting out his come in a way he hadn’t felt in so bloody long that he was sobbing against his nape, but it didn’t stop there— Unimaginably his pleasure intensified and he almost blacked out as his whole existence became a sea of ecstasy when Erik came under him, and he was dead… dead and at peace.

 

Erik was still in the throes of his release, as he groaned and bit the sheets needing some purchase to ground himself, and it was a wild moment, a savage place he’d been trapped in as Charles came so hard Erik couldn’t remember if he’d ever come that good, but it was so real, and his groin was alight with sensation that almost felt genuine as he crested on Charles’ orgasm— Pleasure had torn from his balls, to his cock, tingling through his sensitive nipples and shivering over his skin like a rock slide into water, and then it happened— his whole being became a place of coursing deafening pleasure as he came within, as he keened against the bed and he was trapped in that rock slide still as it barreled over him, wracking through his mind like a blow to the head, and Erik passed out because there was only so much a spirit could take, even if it came in the form of pure bliss...

 

Charles kissed his neck after a pause, and he didn’t know how he was conscious, or how long he’d been out, but he sucked in laborious breaths from all his exertion, and rolled them so they were in a semi-comfortable position for Erik, mindful of his body and nothing else…

He couldn’t bring himself to dwell on the consequences of his action: how this might affect their relationship, and of course what others might think if they found out. All he could do was fall into a deep and peaceful sleep, which he hadn’t experienced since the last time Erik was present in his bed, and try not to remember who he was and wasn’t, while lying with Erik.

 

He could pretend for tonight, because this was all just a dream he told himself.


End file.
